Wednesday, January 28, 2015

LOTD Classic: Snarktastic Store Nicknames Of The Day

Nicknames for some of my favorite retailers. Some I made up, others I heard (from you, in some cases, the other times I posted this). If I slam your favorite eatery or store, here's a tissue. I hate the word eatery, btw.

Got some of your own? Let's hear 'em.
RED LOBSTER
Dead Lobster
Led Robster
Fish Stickster

POTTERY BARN
Robbery Barn

CRACKER BARREL
Crapper Barrel
Honkey Bucket

APPLEBEE'S
Crapplebee's
Applebutt's

OLIVE GARDEN
Ketchup & Noodles

McDONALD'S
Rotten Ronnie's
McSquat
Burp
Old McDonald's (what my kid called it when she was little)

KRYSTAL/WHITE CASTLE
Sliders
Colon Blow

WAFFLE HOUSE
Awful House
Awful Waffle
The Hungry Bastard (ask for some booger bread on the side)
TARGET
Tar-Jay
Heaven

SUBWAY
Suckway
Sandwich Artist's Colony
Blandwich

PIZZA HUT
Pizza Slut
Pizza Butt
Pizza the Hutt
Cheese On A Cracker

WAL-MART
Wally World
Aisle Of Cram
Hell
Always Screaming Babies. Always.

FUDDRUCKER'S
Pudfuckers
Buttfuckers

CHILI'S
Willi-Nilli's
WHOLE FOODS
Whole Paycheck
Whore Foods

BED, BATH & BEYOND
Bed, Bath and Beyond My Budget
Bed, Bath and Behind

MAJIK MARKET
Tragic Markup

NEIMAN MARCUS
Needless Markup

DENNY'S
The Roach
Drunky's

TOYS 'R US
We Be Toys

HOME DEPOT
Home Despot

LOWE'S
Slow's
Blows
RESTORATION HARDWARE
Fistoration Hardware

OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE
Steakback Outhouse

STEAK & ALE
Ache & Stale

ARBY'S
Barfby's
I'm Thinkin' Diarrhea

TACO BELL
Taco Hell
Toxic Hell
Taco Smell
Make A Run For The Toilet

STARBUCKS
Starbutts

BABY SUPERSTORE
Baby Pooperstore
JACK IN THE BOX
Yack In A Box
Jack In My Box
Jack In The Crack
Gag In The Bag

FRIDAY'S
Flair

CHIK-FIL-A
Chicken Jesus

PUBLIX
Pubelicks

PIGGLY-WIGGLY
Hoggly-Woggly

PUBLIX + PIGGLY WIGGLY =
Wiggly Pubelix

DAIRY QUEEN
Scary Queen
Hairy Queen
Dairy Squeeze

DUNKIN' DONUTS
Drunken Dognuts

9 comments:

  1. Great list! We call Aldi's-Baldy's and Dillard's-Dullard's just because. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Red Lobster = Red Slopster

    We have a store called Home Outfitters. I call it GeeGaws R Us. When Bed, Bath and Beyond showed up it became GeeGaws R Us Mark II

    Pier 1 Imports = Shit I have to dust.

    Target (as of last week) = Dead in the Water

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. There used to be a local steakhouse called Tom Maine's Steaks. My nana chuckled every time we went and didn't let me in on the joke until after we ate.

    Tom Maine's sounds like ptomaine, which is a type of food poisoning.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know a guy who refers to Wal-Mart as 'Chinamart.' Used to date a guy who would call Stop n' Shop and similar convenience stores 'Shit n' Git.'

    ReplyDelete
  6. We totally used to eat at Pizza Slut and Jack in the Crack, but my favorite fast food place continues to be I'm Thinkin' Diarrhea

    ReplyDelete
  7. Red lobster = red slobster
    Big boy = little man
    Dairy Queen = dairy queer
    Target = red store

    ReplyDelete
  8. my mom once mistakenly called Fuddruckers "Rudfuckers", it kinda stuck......

    ReplyDelete

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