Monday, November 10, 2014

News: Ovulation Calendar Just The Ticket For Rekindling Couple’s Lagging Sex Life

From The Onion.
Ovulation Calendar Just The Ticket For Rekindling Couple’s Lagging Sex Life

LOS GATOS, CA—Saying they felt like young lovers again, local husband and wife Jon and Sarah Nickoloff told reporters Wednesday that their use of an ovulation calendar in order to maximize the likelihood of conception has proven to be just the ticket for rekindling their lagging sex life.

The childless couple said their decision to attentively monitor Sarah’s menstrual cycle in order to pinpoint those days in which intercourse is most likely to lead to pregnancy has injected a level of fiery passion and unbridled sexual energy into their relationship, reportedly allowing them to experience previously unattained heights of carnal pleasure.

“I used to worry that the spark had left our marriage, but ever since we started having sex according to a rigid, preset schedule that we map out weeks in advance, we haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other,” said Sarah, 37, adding that carefully charting the narrow window in which her cervix is most receptive to her husband’s sperm never fails to drive both of them wild with desire.

“Now that we feel an earnest obligation to make love as often as possible during that monthly 72-hour window in which it’s most feasible for me to conceive, we’ve been going at it like a couple of frisky teenagers. I swear, sometimes we have silent, mechanical sex three, even four times a day now.”

(read more)

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Bullsh*t European Baby Scooter Made Of Wood And Smugness

best of craigslist > vancouver, BC >
For Sale: Bullshit European Baby Scooter Made of Wood and Smugness

Do you dream of your perfect European child scooting across your hardwood floors, waving "hullo mama!" as you relax in your POÄNG chair?

Then this is the bullshit European baby scooter made of wood and smugness for you.

Our child, a failure in our eyes, did not like it. She looked great posing on it though. So it's perfect for posting #Instabrags.

But then she would notice the oh-so-fucking-Wes-Andersony wobbly antennae on the front, lean forward, and plam!

So it does make a great wobbly antennae toy. And while your kid bats at them like Ralph Wiggums as the other kids scoot around on their plastic Walmart deathmobiles, you can console yourself knowing at least your scooter looks like a hipster footstool from Urban Outfitters.


Also have the box.

keywords: Wheely Bug, bullshit, wooden, European, last minute, baby shower, gift, superior, hipster, cruel, parents.

Photo Re-Creations Of The Day

From Unilad: "New Zealand Instagrammer waverider_ has perfected the art of becoming a celebrity doppelganger. Here are some of his best." (Link from Nancy V.)

Selfie Of The Day

And in the selfie taken after this one, it's the lion alone with a shred of gray fabric hanging from his mouth.


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