Thursday, August 14, 2014

Mashup Of The Day: Paperback Sharona

It works. Thanks for the link, Stephanie Peterson-Ferrel.



News Of The Day: Woman Poops In Front Of Walgreen's After Being Accused Of Shoplifting

On the corner of "Fuck!" and "What's that smell?"
Ohio Woman Poops In Front Of Walgreen's After Being Accused Of Shoplifting

SOUTH EUCLID , Ohio, July 31 (UPI) -- An Ohio woman who found herself in a crappy situation allegedly responded by turning it into an even bigger mess.

A store manager followed Sandra Thomas into the parking lot of a South Euclid Walgreens after he allegedly saw her place items in a shopping bag and then leave without paying.

When the manager asked Thomas for a receipt, the 51-year-old could not produce one for the $140.47 worth of items.

The suspect started heading back to the store with the manager and police were called -- then things got a little grimy.

"Thomas told him that she had to use the bathroom badly when she suddenly pulled down her pants and defecated in the front of the store," the News-Herald reported.

She took off and when police tracked her down, Thomas told them she was having health problems, "again pulling her pants down."

After being taken to a bathroom, Thomas was placed in a cruiser. She then allegedly told police she had bed bugs.

Thomas was charged with theft and disorderly conduct.

(Source)

Troll Of The Day

From E-Mails From An Asshole.
Glorious Master Translator


Original ad:
I need someone who speaks japanese to help me translate something. wont take too long. please email me ASAP!

From Me to Ad poster (Scott):

Hi! You need Japanese translate? I Chan, I help you with translate.

- Chan

From Scott to Me:

hey chan. so ok heres the deal. my cd player suddenly stopped working and i cant figure out why. for some reason the only manual i have is entirely in japanese. i took a pic of the page im pretty sure its the trouble shooting part. can you see if it says anything about no sound coming from the output?


From Me to Scott:

Ok, I find three thing may help you:

"Failure of Sound from Device"
"Skipping of disc for poor sound"
"Sound volume low very much"

- Chan

From Scott to Me:

umm..what does it say for the failure of sound one?

From Me to Scott:

"Hello and thank you for chose glorious master CD player! Apologies many for trouble of product. To fix failure of the sound, follow step:

1. Unplug glorious master CD player
2. Plug glorious master CD player back in"

I hope this help!

- Chan

From Scott to Me:

that doesnt help me at all. is that all it says?

From Me to Scott:

Oh no! Very sorry. There more steps to help you! Here:

"If still experience failure of the sound, your glorious master CD player possessed by audio demon. To banish audio demon, follow step:

1. Ignite seven candle
2. Pray to Benzaiten, Goddess of Music
3. Benzaiten will banish audio demon to eternal suffering
4. Try play CD again

If you fail banishing of audio demon, you failure. Much dishonor of family name. Suggest immediate death by Seppuku."

I hope you banish audio demon! Much luck.

- Chan

From Scott to Me:

wtf? does it really say that?

From Me to Scott:

I just translate what you give.

From Scott to Me:

no way it says that. what kind of useless manual is this? how is that supposed to help anyone?

From Me to Scott:

Very sorry, audio demon big problem with many CD player! I have sword, much sharp, good for seppuku. You want borrow?

From Scott to Me:

wtf are you talking about. an audio demon? this is BS. are you screwing with me?

(continued)

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