From The Onion.
Man Kicking Self For Wasting Valuable Plate Space At Beginning Of Buffet Line
FAYETTEVILLE, NC—Moments after taking generous servings from the first several steam trays at all-you-can-eat restaurant Pepper’s Kitchen, local man Lucas Schultz was reportedly kicking himself Friday for squandering precious plate space at the very outset of the buffet line.
Schultz, who took stock of the wide array of appetizers, pastas, side dishes, and meats offered on the homestyle smorgasbord, is said to have identified the mistake almost immediately while adding an unnecessary second scoop of green bean casserole to his already packed plate, causing him to mentally chastise himself for his reckless lack of foresight.
“Man, I really screwed this one up,” said Schultz, looking up from the plate loaded with steamed corn, scalloped potatoes, and macaroni salad to see that he had left little room for the wealth of dining choices still to come in the 20-foot-long buffet. “There’s no way I need this much red beans and rice. And it’s taking up, like, a quarter of my space.”
“If I knew there were barbecue wings, I wouldn’t have even taken most of this stuff,” the 37-year-old added.