From McSweeney's. Link from Steve Henderson.
by John Peck
Tears For Fears: You have used whiteout on a pair of white loafers.
Art of Noise: You have been paid to be furniture at a party.
Air Supply: You have punched an arcade game hard enough to injure yourself.
Eddie Money: You have eaten several Shrinky-Dinks on purpose.
Bryan Adams: Your hair smells faintly like barbecue sauce.
Devo: You have dissected a Nintendo game.
Simple Minds: You have tasted a scented pen.
Kajagoogoo: You have used AquaNet in self-defense.
Limahl: You have used Nair in self-defense.
Gary Numan: You own more than one pair of sock garters.
Madonna: Your bedroom smells like Midori.
Richard Marx: You have woken up to a dog licking your hair.
Wham!: You have made nachos while on ecstasy.
The Cure: You have several bracelets or rings you cannot remove.
Billy Idol: You own a piece of clothing that involves both argyle and leather.
Bangles: You have chewed gum while delivering a keynote speech or eulogy.
The Smiths: You have read aloud to a hamster, ferret, or turtle.
Joy Division: You have been bitten by a cat while trying to dress it in period costume.
A Flock of Seagulls: You have destroyed a calculator watch in anger.
John Cougar Mellencamp: You have put a cigarette out in an industrial-sized jar of relish.
Big Country: You have a Highlander poster in a tube in the back of your closet.
Soft Cell: You mouth the words when you watch Highlander.
Thomas Dolby: You have used a laserdisc as a shaving mirror.
Wang Chung: You have a money clip with an amusement park logo printed on it.
Bauhaus: You know what LARPing is.
OMD: You have gone to a party dressed as a dark elf.
Culture Club: You have woken up under someone who was dressed as a dark elf.
Ministry: You have thrown up on someone who was dressed as a dark elf.
Lionel Richie: You have shaved a word into your hair.
Frankie Goes to Hollywood: You have woken up under your high school gym teacher.
Joan Jett: You have woken up on top of your high school gym teacher.
REM: You minored in something.
The Fixx: You have sunbathed in a suit.
Phil Collins: You have worn shorts while accepting an award or diploma.
Bananarama: Your favorite air freshener is New Car.
Prince: You have used a hamster ball as a cocktail shaker.
Depeche Mode: You have drawn Tintin or the Little Prince in the margin of a math test.
Human League: You have been spanked with a VHS copy of The Neverending Story.
The Clash: Your safety word is “Nicaragua.”
Grace Jones: Your safety word is forty-seven syllables long.
Brian Eno: Your safety word is “10011101.”
(See the full list here)