Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Things We Wanked To Before We Had Access To Porn

From The Frisky:

"Before the invention of the world wide web, before we even knew porn existed, you best believe we were masturbating. And in a lot of creative ways. We feel bad for the young people today who can just log onto their computers and have a world of whack off materials with a single click. 'Back in the olden days,' we'll brag to our kids, 'we had to use our imaginations to stimulate our genitals'."

LATE NIGHT SKINEMAX MOVIES
If you were fortunate enough to grow up in a house with cable, and were doubly blessed to have it in your bedroom, you made excuses to stay in on Saturday nights and wait until everyone was sleeping to watch movies like Hard Ticket to Hawaii or Gas Pump Girls on Cinemax.

THE SIMS
"I would force my Sims characters to have sex in the kitchen and then masturbate to the blurred out image and chirping Sims sex sounds." --Anonymous

JC PENNEY'S/SEAR CATALOGS
Full coverage bras, control top underwear and girdles. Mmmmnnnn. But seriously. Hot, young juniors in the Sears catalogue in their PANTIES! A young man's paradise!

ROMANCE NOVELS
Christopher Pike books, some weird subscription romance novels that were delivered to my house/purchased for a dime at a garage sale, my grandmother's copy of Lucky Chances by Jackie Collins or any VC Andrews paperback. The sex scenes from these were all on the wank list.

HUMAN ANATOMY BOOKS
"My friend's dad was a doctor and he had an illustrated anatomy book in his study. We found the page with penises and vaginas and then I would go home and touch myself and think about it." -- Anonymous

THE SPICE CHANNEL
Even if you didn't get it, you could still sometimes hear the sounds of sex and moaning through the scrambled signal if you sat close to the TV. That was enough.

LINGERIE CIRCULARS
You stared the pictures until you were certain you could make out a faint nipple or bush through the fabric.


(See the rest here.)

What other ways did we find to take care of business?

2 comments:

  1. I see the National Geographic channel on TV is on the list. I was expecting to see National Geographic Magazine on there too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. NOOOO!!!! Not VC Andrews books!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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