From The Onion.
Fourth-Grade Teacher Polishing Up Speech On This Not Being Third Grade Anymore
PALMYRA, PA—Saying it was important for her students to understand their increased expectations at the start of the new school year, Pine Street Elementary school teacher Veronica Potter reportedly spent Sunday evening putting the finishing touches on a speech that will inform her incoming class they are not in third grade anymore.
“Many of you are 10 years old now, and I expect you to act like it,” said Potter, rehearsing the speech that will emphasize how the students’ responsibilities will extend not just to academic performance, but to behavior and classroom participation as well.
“There’s going to be homework every night and we’re going to do several science units outdoors, which will require a lot of focus. You may have gotten away with excuses or outbursts last year, but this is fourth grade now. Okay?”
Sources confirmed that Potter, worried about overwhelming her students too much on the first day, later revised her speech to put more emphasis on the spring field trip to Gettysburg.