Tuesday, April 29, 2014

List Of The Day: Hot Singles

From McSweeney's.
Hot Singles Are In Your Area!
BY Jack Urwin

Hot singles are in your area!

Hot singles want your body!

Hot singles just want someone to hold them on these cold, wintry nights!

Hot singles are making you breakfast!

Hot singles are inviting you to meet their parents upstate for Easter!

Hot singles are debating whether you move in together!

Hot singles are annoyed you’ve woken them up so early, it’s the fucking weekend man, can’t you let them sleep?

Hot singles are resigned to falling asleep in front of the TV now the initial passion and sexual desire has dissipated!

Hot singles don’t get why it’s such a problem they’ve spent three nights in a row out with their girlfriends, come on, do you want them to just stop having fun now?

Hot singles are wondering if there really is a future for you as a couple!

Hot singles really hate your indecisive nature, for crying out loud, it’s dinner, just pick one!

Hot singles are near the end of their tether!

Hot singles think you should maybe take a break but you plead with them to stay and work it out!

Hot singles stick around but the damage is done!

Hot singles propose some sort of counseling but you don’t really have the money and besides everything’s fine as it is!

Hot singles lie awake on the other side of the bed each night and sometimes you can hear their quiet sobbing!

Hot singles think you should see other people!

Hot singles are leaving your area and taking the kids with them!

3 comments:

  1. Hahaha! Well, that escalated quickly. :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hot singles are never as good as they sound. Let that be a lesson to all of us.

    ReplyDelete

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