Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Desperately Seeking A Man With STINK BREATH

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Desperately Seeking a Man with STINK BREATH - w4m

When i first laid eyes on you i couldn't look away.

You have hazel brown eyes, curly hair, a 5 o'clock shadow, muscular build and brown skin. Kind of like a young Boris Kodjoe, although he is aging very well if you were his actual age i wouldn't mind.

You were ordering a burrito bowl at Chipotle, I remember you ordered the barbacoa with brown rice (good choice!).

We exchanged glances while waiting in line and i think you even winked at me. We both were headed to the soda fountain and that's when it hit me.

You said "How are you beautiful?" but all i could think about was the smell of your stanky breath!

It smelled like someone jizzed into a Frito bag and threw it in a bum.

It smelled like someone farted a cheeseburger into a litter box.

It smelled like someone lit a homeless person on fire and then smoked a turd cigarette.

It smelled like someone did the Harlem Shake after an extensive cardio workout in a porta potty.

It smelled like someone threw up in your mouth like some 2-girls-1-cup shit and then cooked some bacon.

After you said that I'm sorry but i just walked away. I wish in the moment i could have looked past your awful breath and just stuck it out.

I had some gum.

2 comments:

  1. HA! The last line was great--just a little too late.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your halitosis was atrocious and really begs a diagnosis.

    ReplyDelete

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