Monday, February 24, 2014

Dad Jokes Of The Day

You know, the corny, punny jokes that Dads like to tell. From Reddit.

My dad walked in the room while I was on the treadmill and said, "Where ya going?"

My dad is coming home from a business trip today and takes a picture of the clouds outside of the plane from his window seat. He sends me a text of that picture with the caption: "Hey, which one do you think has all your information?"

I told my dad about this subreddit
Me: I just found it, and it's great. Now everything you say will be my fodder.
Dad: I'm already your fodder. And over there, [pointing to my mom] that's your mudder.

My dad: How do you sell a deaf man a chicken? (Leans in close, takes a deep breath and screams:)

Helping my 13 year old make his bed. It's a hot night and the ceiling fan is on.
"Don't flick the sheet too high, Dad, or else..."
Me: "Or else what?"
"or else the sheet will hit the fan"

It was a used and fairly old car, so it was a little smelly...
Dad: So how many horse power does this car have?
Me: About 250, why?
Dad: I think one of them died.

My dad: Why did the cowboy get a Dachshund? Someone told him to get a long little doggy

Every time my dad hears a police/ambulance/fire siren, the same joke: He'll never sell any ice cream at that speed!

No, I just dyed the tips of my hair invisible.

My brother opened his Christmas present, which was a book of Edgar Allan Poe stories. My grandfather: I heard the critics are RAVEN about that one!

Dad to my sister: Someone said you look like an owl.
Sister (pissed): WHO?!
Dad laughs hysterically

Dad: What's the capital of Alaska?
Me: Juneau.
Dad: No, I don't know, that's why I asked you.

So I have a buddy that works out around the same times as my dad during the week. When this guy works out he always has a superhero under armor shirt on, usually spiderman it something similar. My dad asked what hero he is today, he replied "I'm Thor". To which my dad said "well maybe if you thretched more you wouldn't be tho Thor!"

Dad: Have you heard of the band 1020 MB?
Me: No.
Dad: That's because they haven't got a gig yet.


  1. Not so much my dad (he's more into sarcasm) but definitely my husband. I'm not sure if showing him this would be a good thing (new material) or a bad thing (encouragement).

  2. My Dad used to tell the corniest jokes, real groaners, and he always laughed at his own jokes. I think that was the best part, that he laughed so much at them himself. He would get so tickled. I really miss him.

    Here's one of my Dad's favorites. He loved to spring this on unsuspecting, little kids because they could never see it coming.

    Dad: What grows when you plant tomato seeds?
    Kid: Tomatoes.
    Dad: That's right! Very good! And what grows when you plant flower seeds?
    Kid: Flowers.
    Dad: Right again! What grows when you plant carrot seeds?
    Kid: Carrots.
    Dad: Right!! Wow, you're really good at this. And what grows when you plant bird seeds?
    Kid: Birds!
    Dad loved that moment when the kid would realize what had just happened.

    Great post, Cary! =)

  3. My friend Celia's dad was a postman and he always had the best/worst jokes. Dry as a bone and corny as all get out. And he loved puns! These are great, Cary! :)

  4. This is great! My father was the funniest person I knew, but he told the corniest jokes! His personal favorite? "What's orange, white, red and green and lives in a test tube?" Me: "I don't know." Dad: "Bozo the Clone!" What made it so screamingly funny is that he had one of those infectious laughs that made everyone else laugh, no matter how stupid or corny or how many times he told the joke! Thanks for the awesome memories, Cary!

  5. These are awesome. My dad still does "pull my finger" - with my mom. She's the straight man.



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