My dad walked in the room while I was on the treadmill and said, "Where ya going?"
My dad is coming home from a business trip today and takes a picture of the clouds outside of the plane from his window seat. He sends me a text of that picture with the caption: "Hey, which one do you think has all your information?"
I told my dad about this subreddit
Me: I just found it, and it's great. Now everything you say will be my fodder.
Dad: I'm already your fodder. And over there, [pointing to my mom] that's your mudder.
My dad: How do you sell a deaf man a chicken? (Leans in close, takes a deep breath and screams:)
WANNA BUY A CHICKEN?!?!?
Helping my 13 year old make his bed. It's a hot night and the ceiling fan is on.
"Don't flick the sheet too high, Dad, or else..."
Me: "Or else what?"
"or else the sheet will hit the fan"
It was a used and fairly old car, so it was a little smelly...
Dad: So how many horse power does this car have?
Me: About 250, why?
Dad: I think one of them died.
My dad: Why did the cowboy get a Dachshund? Someone told him to get a long little doggy
Every time my dad hears a police/ambulance/fire siren, the same joke: He'll never sell any ice cream at that speed!
HEY DAD, DID YOU GET A HAIRCUT?
No, I just dyed the tips of my hair invisible.
My brother opened his Christmas present, which was a book of Edgar Allan Poe stories. My grandfather: I heard the critics are RAVEN about that one!
Dad to my sister: Someone said you look like an owl.
Sister (pissed): WHO?!
Dad laughs hysterically
Dad: What's the capital of Alaska?
Dad: No, I don't know, that's why I asked you.
So I have a buddy that works out around the same times as my dad during the week. When this guy works out he always has a superhero under armor shirt on, usually spiderman it something similar. My dad asked what hero he is today, he replied "I'm Thor". To which my dad said "well maybe if you thretched more you wouldn't be tho Thor!"
Dad: Have you heard of the band 1020 MB?
Dad: That's because they haven't got a gig yet.