Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Creepy-Ass Dog Up For Adoption

I'd be afraid he would talk to me one day out of the blue and I'd shit my pants.

From Gawker.

Dog With 'Human Face' Looking for Human Dog-Lovers to Take Him Home

by Neetzan ZimmermanFeb. 5, 2013

It's unclear how or why Tonik the eerily humanoid poodle/Shih Tzu mix ended up in a kill shelter in Kentucky, but the good news is that he is no longer there.

Even better, the two-year-old person-faced pup has been vetted, groomed, and ready for immediate adoption from the Homeward Bound Animal Welfare Group rescue in Mishawaka, Indiana.

The only catch is that interested parties will need to visit the rescue in order to pick him up, as the group has an understandable policy against shipping or transporting their canines.

That being said, it's hardly a catch considering you're already filling out an application, aren't you?

News: Cop Sting Nets 71yo "Cougar" Prostitute

From The Smoking Gun.

Police Sting Nets "Cougar," 71, On Prostitution Rap

JANUARY 28--A 71-year-old woman was arrested Friday for prostitution after allegedly striking a “deal for sexual acts” with an undercover cop who met her inside a room at a Homewood Suites hotel in Connecticut.

According to police, Sygun Liebhart placed a ad “promoting herself under the escort section” and used the alias “Lola,” cops reported.

A member of the East Central Narcotics Task Force arranged a rendezvous with Liebhart at her hotel in Glastonbury, where she was arrested. Liebhart was booked into jail in lieu of $500 bond.

In the January 25 ad that caught the eye of investigators, Liebhart/“Lola” is described as a “perfect pleasure” who is “delicious, delectable, delightful.” The ad--titled “Older is Better”--noted that the septuagenarian hooker would only be in Glastonbury for three days.

A January 12 ad listed “Lola”’s age as 60, noting that she is “well preserved” and “All natural.” The ad included a phone number along with the notice that “Lola” did not accept texts or e-mails, and did not book appointments after 8 PM. 

In another online listing, Liebhart describes herself as a “truly mature escort with over 25 years experience in delivering a symphony of luxury and sensual delight to discriminating professional gentlemen both younger and older who can afford the best and who prefer their women a bit older but a lot better.”

Prospective customers are advised to “savor the charms of maturity and submit yourself to sensuous abandon in the arms of a genuine Cougar.”

Some online ads have included photos of Liebhart lounging suggestively on a leather couch; wearing a blonde wig; posing in lingerie; and showing off her gams. And one NSFW shot--apparently snapped post-shower--highlighted her “busty 38DD."

LOTD Classic: 21 Celebrities Who Need To Change Their Names

(Originally posted 9/9/09)

Everybody's gotta be different now, is that it? Diversity is fine, but give me something I can pronounce. John Wayne. Tony Curtis. Cary Grant. Those were star names. Not this shit.

Nestor Carbonell
The guy who played Richard Alpert on "Lost" has a name that sounds like a sketchy pasta dish. “Our special tonight is Nestor Carbonell -- spinach linguine with caper sauce, topped with long-eared Christmas donkey medallions.”

Sean Bean
Spoken, it’s fine, but it reads as “Seen Bean,” someone Dr. Seuss might’ve written about.
Have you seen Bean?
Who do you mean?

I mean Sean, you fiend,
That's the Bean I mean!

Chiwetel Ejiofor
Chi-wah Who-wha? Can someone Chiwe-tell me how to pronounce this fucked-up name? (Whatever you call him, he played Huey Lucas in American Gangster, where he and The News sang, “I Want A New Drug.”)

America Ferrara
Whenever I encounter assonance in celebrity names, I just want to combine them: “Americarrara.”

Sandra Oh
The sound of disappointment.
“Who’s in this movie?”
“That beast from Grey’s Anatomy.”
“Oh. What else is on?”

M. Night Shyamalan
Shyamalan is fine -- it gives us all a reason to call him “Shama-lama-ding-dong.” But he's gotta lose that pretentious unnecessary M. John C. Reilly needs his C because there’s another John Reilly in SAG. Somehow I doubt there’s another Night Shyamalan, and if there was, he surely changed his name after
The Happening.

Kellie Pickler
Pickler? I barely kno--wait.. hmm... yes, I think I will.

Zeljko Ivanek
Great actor (24, Damages, House, Oz), crappy name. Under “Alternate Names,” lists “’Z with a caron Zeljko Ivanek’, ‘Z-with-inverted-circumflex-eljko Ivanek’, ‘Željko Ivanek’ and ‘Z’, proving that even they don’t what the hell to do with that name. Why don't you trade in a k or two for some vowels, chief?

Adam Carolla
I drove a Corolla once. It sucked. I suggest Adam Camry or Adam 4Runner, both far superior makes of Toyota.

William Hung
I hope so, 'cause the motherfucker sure can’t sing.

Andy Dick
Actually, this one is perfect.

Rupert Grint and Ioan Gruffudd
Weren’t those the villains in Great Expectations?

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje
Whenever you say his name, a genie appears.

Miley Cyrus

Jeff Probst
A name that sounds like a cross between two things that frighten me: probe and Pabst.

Skeet Ulrich
Skeet? Were Spunk and Jizz already taken?

Tyra Banks
“Tyra” sounds a lot like “tiring.” Coincidence?

Stockard Channing
Stockyard? No one should have a name that reminds people of pig shit.

Billy Crudup
Shut the crud up, Billy. Yeah, I know, it’s pronounced “KROOD-up.” Like that's any better.

Shia LeBoeuf
Shy in the buff? Why? Coming up a little short?

Wilmer Valderrama


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