From The Onion.
DHS Warns U.S. In Danger Of Another Eagles Reunion Album
Nov. 5, 2013
WASHINGTON—Issuing a nationwide high alert and urging all Americans to “be prepared for the worst,” Department of Homeland Security acting Secretary Rand Beers announced today the “serious and imminent threat” of a possible new Eagles reunion album in the coming weeks or months.
“According to alarming chatter we’ve intercepted between Don Henley and Glenn Frey in recent days, the two songwriters may already be ‘kicking a few ideas around’ and ‘just riffing and seeing where it takes us,’ developments that traditionally suggest the high probability of another potential Eagles reunion album scenario in the near future,” Beers told reporters.
He added that the DHS has also received high-level intelligence verifying that known record producer Bill Szymczyk recently booked studio time at The Doghouse recording facility in Los Angeles.
“We are taking these threats very seriously and would like all citizens to be prepared for the possibility of a 70-minute new Eagles studio album, with a potential eight extra minutes of bonus cuts and acoustic live tracks.”