Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Obscure Chinese Proverbs Of The Day

From McSweeney's.
Obscure Chinese Proverbs

by Dennis Mahoney

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it is insane.

At dawn, we are all children of the new day. Except for bastards.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will starve before mastering the skill, thus saving you today’s delicious fish.

A door without handles is merely a wall. Or a hole. Or a weird window.

A slave with no master is free, but a master with no slave is lazy and bitter, with a soft, oily body and bad hair, complaining to the dog, who could not care less.

The gem cannot be polished without friction. Nor can boils. Nor testicles.

Go forth and boldly seek your fortune! Or go to grad school, I don’t care.

Pleasure and pain are twin serpents in the garden of your desire, which is full of weeds, animal carcasses, and poison-berries.

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever and yet appears much wiser than he who asked five minutes ago.

Keep your broken arm inside your sleeve, where the maggots cannot feed upon it.

When you drink the water, remember the spring. That week at Myrtle Beach! Dude, remember that girl’s tits?

2 comments:

  1. "Go forth and boldly seek your fortune! Or go to grad school, I don't care." HAHAHA! Sounds like my dad.

    What charming little nuggets of ancient Chinese wisdom. Or not. Hard to tell. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. "He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever and yet appears much wiser than he who asked five minutes ago."

    Sounds like kind of a bizarre twist on "Silence is golden." =D

    ReplyDelete

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