It’s Murphy’s Law of unexpected sex: If you are wearing the most unfortunate/unflattering/complicated article of clothing, you will be getting laid. If you get all dolled up in your favorite “f**k me” outfit, it’s almost a guarantee that no man will so much as glance at you. But put on your pajamas to go get toilet bowl cleaner at the drug store, and the hottest man you’ve ever seen will invite you over to his place.
Here are the worst things you can be wearing when the penis of your dreams arises …
The thing about jumpsuits are that they are really cute on, but extremely difficult to get off. That, and you have to get completely naked just to take a piss. They are basically the adult equivalent of wearing a onesie.
SHOES WITHOUT SOCKS
They might look cute with your outfit, but let’s be honest, your feet smell in there. Especially if you’ve been wearing them all day. Is your object of desire really ready for your foot odor?
RIPPED OR PERIOD-STAINED PANTIES
There are two kinds of underwear in every woman’s drawer: the sexy ones and the ones you should throw away but you don’t because you can wear them when you have your period or run out of clean, sexy undies. You will be wearing the latter when he pulls off your pajama bottoms.
Maybe you just came from the gym and he has the added bonus of getting to know what you smell like after you work out. We don’t have to tell you that sports bras do nothing good for your tits.
DRESS THAT WRINKLES WHEN YOU LOOK AT IT
Those $22 dresses from Forever 21 are super cute and affordable! And you can hardly tell they are 100 percent rayon until a guy rips the dress off and throws it on the bedroom floor.
Taking off Spanx before sex is like peeling a sausage out of its casing. Arduous. Spanx are like a modern-day chastity belt; they must be removed to get the bits.
There was a reason these went out of style a long time ago. Why on earth are they back? Having to unsnap fabric to free up your vaginal reason is a crime.
THAT WHITE TEE WITH ARMPIT STAINS
Any white tee that you’ve had for more than two years has yellow pit stains. This is the shirt you’ll be wearing when Don Juan approaches you in the cleaning aisle. I hope you’re wearing deodorant at the very least.