From The Onion.
Study: People Far Away From You Not Actually Smaller
Aug. 22, 2013
PRINCETON, NJ—According to a groundbreaking new study published Thursday in The Journal Of Natural And Applied Sciences, people who are far away from you are actually not, as once thought, physically smaller than you.
The five-year study, conducted by researchers at Princeton University, has shattered traditionally accepted theories that people standing some distance away from you are very small, and people close-by are very big.
“The data was irrefutable in demonstrating that when someone standing directly in front of you begins walking away, their body does not, as previously assumed, gradually shrink before eventually disappearing entirely,” said Dr. David Pinard, lead author of the study.
“Rather, our findings indicate that they maintain their original size regardless of how tiny they may appear.”