From The Onion.
Kids Tired Of Hearing Boring Stories About How Father A Skilled, Generous Lover
MANCHESTER, NH—Saying they had heard each one of his anecdotes “a thousand times,” local siblings Lindsay, Alex, and Danielle Curtis told reporters Monday they were tired of listening to their father repeat the same boring stories about his skillful, selfless lovemaking.
“I honestly don’t know if I can sit through another one of Dad’s lame stories about bringing Mom to unimaginable sexual euphoria,” said eldest child Lindsay Curtis, 18, explaining that her 47-year-old father “goes on and on like a broken record” with tales of his erotic expertise and generosity.
“That story about Dad repeatedly pleasuring Mom on their honeymoon, or in that hotel shower in Florida, or during that power outage in 1995 might have been interesting back when we were little kids and heard them the first time, but now they’re just getting old.”
“You can only listen to so many stories about Mom’s wild, full-body orgasms before you get completely sick of them,” she continued. “It’s like, ‘We get it, Dad—you’re sensuous and nurturing in the bedroom.’ God, give it a rest already.”