Inspired by this Craiglist ad.
"My day was fine. Why do you keep asking?"
Yikes! Al Roker's gaining weight again.
"I don't understand the confusion. This is basic engineering, people."
"This isn't the Feingold bar mitzvah, is it?"
"We must never speak of this party again."
"I feel like I'm getting burned."
I know you're feeling a lot of things right now, son, but I can explain.
Welcome. We've been expecting you.
(sigh) What am I doing with my life?
AGGH! I HATE MY MANE!
GET OFF MY LAWN!