Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Contrite Bike Thief Of The Day

From MSN.
Drunk thief returns bike with letter of explanation, Domino's voucher

According to Redditor "seenic," he found his bike in his yard three days after it was stolen with this letter of contrition and a Domino's coupon. 

The bike owner said he "ain't even mad" about the theft, understandably so. Turns out it wasn't stolen, just "borrowed" by a drunk in need. Besides, that free lava cake sweetens the deal. 

Note in the letter below that, while the act is not referred to as a robbery, it's signed by "Bike Theif." 

For a person who just graduated, one misspelled word ain't so bad.

Dear Bike Owner,

On Saturday April 20 I graduated from University and got straight white girl wasted. After the bar it was too late to catch a bus, and I am too broke to afford a cab, so I borrowed your bike without asking. It was a lusciously smooth ride from what I remember.

Anyways I am very sorry I did not ask to borrow your bike, so I have returned it with a coupon for a free lava cake at Domino's as an apology.


Bike Theif.


  1. It's hard to resist "a lusciously smooth ride," and hey, free lava cake! HA! :D

  2. "Got straight white girl wasted." I've never heard that before! I need to look into it. :)

    1. I knew we could trust you do delve deeper, RGR!

    2. You know it, Lefty! Here's what the Urban Dictionary says about "straight white girl wasted":

      To get completely drunk, wasted, or sloshed to the point where you can no longer control yourself physically or mentally. Term originally given to younger white girls, mainly college freshman, after they consume way too much alcohol. This commonly results in overall in-coherency, and brief "skankyness" before a quick emotional breakdown. Which are all followed up by the process of destroying the party through multiple drunken slurs and complete trashiness and finally passing out in an upstairs bedroom because they are too drunk to make it home.

      Yeah, I wouldn't know anything about that. Snort.



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