Thursday, April 4, 2013

Amusing Store Nicknames Of The Day

Nicknames for some of my favorite retailers. Some I made up, others I heard (from you, in some cases, the first time I posted this). If I slam your favorite eatery or store, here's a tissue. I hate the word eatery, btw.

Got some of your own? Speak up.

 
RED LOBSTER 
Dead Lobster
Led Robster
Fish Stickster


POTTERY BARN
Robbery Barn


CRACKER BARREL
Honkey Bucket

APPLEBEE'S
Crapplebee's
Applebutt's
I'll Be Right Back With Them Salads1

 
OLIVE GARDEN
Ketchup & Noodles


McDONALD'S
McSquat
Burp
Old McDonald's (what my kid called it when she was little)
Rotten Ronnie's


KRYSTAL/WHITE CASTLE 
Sliders
Colon Blow


WAFFLE HOUSE 
Awful House
Awful Waffle
 
The Hungry Bastard (ask for some booger bread on the side)
TARGET 
Tar-Jay
Heaven


SUBWAY 
Suckway
Sandwich Artist's Colony
Blandwich


PIZZA HUT
Pizza Slut
Pizza Butt
Pizza the Hutt
Cheese On A Cracker


WAL-MART
Wally World
 
Aisle Of Cram
Hell
Always Screaming Babies. Always.


FUDDRUCKER'S
Pudfuckers
Buttfuckers


CHILI'S
Willi-Nilli's
Upchucki's

WHOLE FOODS
Whole Paycheck
Whore Foods


BED, BATH & BEYOND 
Bed, Bath and Beyond My Budget
Bed, Bath and Behind

MAJIK MARKET
Tragic Markup

NEIMAN MARCUS
Needless Markup


DENNY'S
The Roach
Drunky's

TOYS 'R US
We Be Toys


HOME DEPOT 
Home Despot
Yes, We Have No Banana2


LOWE'S
Slow's
Blows

RESTORATION HARDWARE 
Fistoration Hardware

OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE
Steakback Outhouse


STEAK & ALE
Ache & Stale


ARBY'S
Barfby's
I'm Thinkin' Diarrhea


TACO BELL 
Taco Hell
Toxic Hell
T
aco Smell
Make A Run For The Toilet

STARBUCKS
Starfucks

BABY SUPERSTORE
Baby Pooperstore

JACK IN THE BOX 
Yack In A Box
Jack In My Box
Jack In The Crack
Gag In The Bag


FRIDAY'S 
Flair

CHIK-FIL-A
Chicken Jesus3 
 

PUBLIX
Pubelicks


PIGGLY-WIGGLY
Hoggly-Woggly

PUBLIX + PIGGLY WIGGLY =
Wiggly Pubelix

DAIRY QUEEN

Scary Queen
Fairy Queen
Dairy Squeeze

DUNKIN' DONUTS
Drunken Dognuts



1. In honor of something said to us by a waiter at Applebee's in Waycross, GA.

2. An inside joke between me and my wife, as Home Depot has catalogs filled with things they no longer carry in stock, but no one tells you this when you're looking through them. You spend an hour picking out fixtures and then the clerk says, "Oh, yeah, we don't have those anymore."

3. A chain run by outspoken conservative Christians and closed on Sunday for the sabbath.

13 comments:

  1. Red Lobster= red hamster. My 4 year old came up with that 15 years ago.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Red Lobster= red hamster. My 4 year old came up with that 15 years ago.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bed Bath and Beyond = Gee Gaws R Us
    Red Lobster = Red Slobster
    Superstore = Stupidstore
    Ikea = Start the Car!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Rudd*uckers
    Home of da po'
    Can't get a table on Friday's

    ReplyDelete
  5. Little Caesars Pizza = Little Sneezer's Pizza

    ReplyDelete
  6. We always called Starbucks either 'buckstars' or 'buckys'. I have no idea why.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for this.

    My girlfriend loves Whole Foods and I shall start mocking her by calling it "Whole Paycheck." (Since we're both grad students, it ain't far from the truth.)

    Growing up, I always heard my dad refer to Jack-in-the-Box (well, pretty much any fast food) as "Barf-in-the-Bag."

    ReplyDelete
  8. Little Sleezers Pizza instead of Little Ceasars
    Pizza Slut instead of Pizza Hut
    Micky-Deez McDonald's
    Fee Bank instead of Key Bank
    Clog & Clot instead of Steak & Shake

    ReplyDelete
  9. RED NECKSTER for the sea poo lover in you.

    And I agree, Target=Heaven. Especially if I'm there alone... ahhh.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yep! I second that:

    Red lobster = red slobster
    Wal-mart = walfart

    Dairy queen = dairy queer
    Big boy = little man
    Taco bell = taco hell

    ReplyDelete
  11. Whole Foods = AssWhole Foods
    Burger King = Booger Fling or Murder King
    Little Caesar's = Little Skeezers or Little Squeezers
    Hometown Buffet = Homeless Barfet
    Waremart (now WinCo Foods) = Welfaremart
    Grocery Outlet = Dented Can Store or Smashed Foods

    And our local newspaper, the Times-Standard, is often referred to as the Sub-Standard.

    ReplyDelete

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