Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Product Reviews Of The Day: Banana Slicer

You gotta love clever people. From Amazon. Link from Sheila.

Excerpts from product reviews:

* Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using - it works much better. Ordering one for my nephew. He's been using an old slinky to slice his bananas.

* i love it when there's progress. this unit is way better than the 571A! 

* I have 27 trained monkeys I use to do my evil bidding. The younger monkeys' teeth have not fully developed and so slicing a banana to feed them is a necessary chore. The adult monkeys used to have to chew up bananas and feed their young but not anymore with the Victorio Kitchen Products 571B Banana Slicer.

* I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.  

* This works on hot dogs, too!!!!! I bet it would work on carrots, but I don't like carrots, I like hot dogs. Some people call them wieners. 

* Dude. I thought it was going to, like, slice all my bananas for me. You have to PICK THE THING UP and TAKE IT TO THE BANANA and PUT YOUR HANDS ON IT AND OPEN THE BANANA and THEN LAY THE PEELED BANANA DOWN and THEN SLICE IT and THEN PUT THE PIECES IN YOUR MOUTH. WTF?  Why would you want a product that expects you to do so much work. And this is the second type of FIVE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY ONE PROTOTYPES?

* My one complaint is that it is very difficult to find bananas that fit it properly. Most of them are too short and do not utilize all of the plastic cross pieces that perform the actual slicing of the banana. For this reason, I suggest bringing the 571B along with you to the store and finding the closest banana match, size-wise. I have recently started bringing along a food grade marker pen for the express reason of writing "DOES NOT FIT 571B" on each inferior banana, so as to save fellow users the trouble of remeasuring substandard fruit

* If God does not exist, then how is it that a banana fits so perfectly in this banana slicer? CHECKMATE, ATHEISTS! 

* This is the only one used on official world tournaments and don't settle for less. Some will try to sell you a 569, 570 or 571A but they are cheap versions of the real deal which is the 571B. At home I still have an old 134 series A (the cast iron one with the screw to set the width) which I use for special occasions, but when I travel the 571B is in my carry-on. The 200 and 300's are really more for people with a tomato background. 

More here.


  1. Some folks have a lot of time on their hands--both the ones who invented this gadget and the ones writing reviews about it! I'm glad they do. It gives me something to laugh at. Very amusing!!

  2. These people give me massive comment envy. I have nothing clever to add. Fuck.



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