Friday, January 11, 2013

Cool Products That Were Banned Or Recalled Because Some Moron Shoved One Up His Ass (Or Whatever)

Kids and idiots ruin everything. I say leave the stuff out there and let the chips fall where they may. The more we impede natural selection, the worse this will get.

List from Popular Mechanics and Spinderfella.


Summer Saturdays were never the same once Jarts were taken off the market back in 1988. The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) banned the sale of the metal-tipped lawn darts after numerous head, eye, and ear injuries, especially in children. Some companies have skirted the ban by selling the metal tips and plastic fins separately.


For those trying to kill a few hours at work, Buckyballs and Buckycubes have been a classic companion (and they're great for making sculptures for the refrigerator). If ingested, however, the tiny magnet balls will snap together (as magnets do), often pinching intestines and requiring surgical removal. The ban moved into effect in 2010, but the CPSC is currently pursuing a stop-sale order against Maxfield & Oberton, since the Bucky products are still being sold.


Several instances of small children unzipping the bags, climbing inside, and inhaling the tiny pellets were reported, with life-ending repercussions. Millions of free-zipping bean bags were immediately taken off the market in 1994. As a result of the recall, some manufacturers began making double-stitched and double-zippered bags, with a safety lock too.


Faulty stands, brackets, deteriorating wood planks, and poor build quality can make hammocks a secretly dangerous leisure activity. (Seriously, have you ever tried climbing into one of these things?) Since 1994, the CPSC has ordered 12 different recalls involving various hammock manufacturers, accounting for upward of 30,000 units.


Throwing yourself onto a yellow strip of plastic with (hopefully) just enough water to keep you slipping and sliding along—what could go wrong? If you're ever played on a Slip 'N Slide, you probably know already: Some people slid off the slide and onto concrete. Sometimes people didn't even make it that far, expecting a slip and a slide only to stop abruptly, resulting in some pretty serious spinal cord injuries.


For reasons including unexpected water-tank projections and bystander injuries, several water-rocket manufacturers such as Hasbro were forced to recall about 230,000 of the famed toy in 2004. Descending rockets were also known to come back and hit people in the head, which I guess isn't really all that fun.


Maybe these should be banned just for health reasons, but with burning oil and a scalding handle, deep fryers are also quite dangerous to the cook. There's a reason officials warn people each holiday season to be extremely careful if they're going to attempt to deep-fry a turkey. The CSPC has had to recall thousands of different fryers in the past decade.

See the rest here.


  1. I never did understand the concept of a slip 'n slide. I get enough bruises in everyday life without hurling myself at the hard ground and hoping to slide. It never looked like much fun. It didn't seem like enough water to cool you off much either.

  2. Ooh, lawn darts! Gonna have to get me some of those.

  3. If injuries are an issue you'd think they would have outlawed Legos decades ago. I have permanent damage from stepping on those suckers in my bare feet.

  4. Electric blankets - If you burn yourself with one of these you are fucktarded.

    bunk beds - My brother broke his collarbone falling out of one when I was three. Four years later I fell out of the same bed and broke the toy chest at the end of the bed. I was okay, but my mom was more worried about the toy chest.

    fondue pot - see electric blankets

    Buckyballs - My cousin Jake's neighbor found out the hard way not to throw these at his mom's brand new fridge. He scratched the shit out of that thing.

    Lawn darts - Still have a set of em in the garage, right next to my crossbow, and slingshot which I refuse to use in the neighborhood I live at now. The guy next to me is cool and probably wouldn't care, but the old biddy down the block would have a non-stop fainting and bitching spasm until I put em all away, so it's a moot point.

    Slip 'N slide - We never had a problem with a dry Slip 'N Slide. We either forgot to check for rocks in the yard first, or set it up down the big hill in the backyard that coincidentally let out onto a very busy street.

    water rockets - My aunt actually showed me and my cousins how to make these with old two liter soda bottles and an old bike pump. Our moms were not pleased.

    deep fryer - I'm loathe to admit this, but my uncle once burned down his tool shed and an old sycamore tree with one of these. He'd seen people cooking whole chickens on the food channel. He neglected to see them patting dry the chickens first.



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