Wednesday, December 5, 2012

News: Hardee's Introduces Shame Curtains For Customers To Eat Behind

From The Onion.

Hardee's Introduces Shame Curtains For Customers To Eat Behind

ST. LOUIS—In response to extensive market research, fast food chain Hardee’s announced plans Tuesday to equip every table at its restaurants with its all-new “Shame Curtains,” large, dark drapes behind which menu items can be consumed in complete privacy. 

“We asked customers what we could do to improve their dining experience, and they said nothing would be better than finding a way to prevent them from making humiliating public spectacles of themselves as they enjoy Hardee’s classics like our two-thirds pound Monster Thickburger,” CEO Andrew Pudzer said during a press conference at which he demonstrated how to use the fully opaque, ceiling-to-floor Shame Curtains. 

“Once the double-Velcro closure is secure, you can consume your meal free from the recriminating glances and disgusted stares of your fellow patrons. And you don’t have to worry about feeling embarrassment in front of passersby, either, because we’ve decided to just go ahead and brick up all the windows.” 

Pending the success of the curtains, Hardee’s may experiment with subterranean tunnels that allow its restaurants to be entered from across the street.

Crosseyed Celebs Of The Day

So simple. So stupid. So naturally I laughed. From Mandatory (in case you missed their name on every photo). A couple of these aren't Photoshopped. I'll let you guess which ones.

More here.

News: Man Stabs Guy Who Ate His Thanksgiving Leftovers

I'm thinking this is about more than turkey. From The Smoking Gun.

Man Stabbed Victim Who Ate Turkey Leftovers

NOVEMBER 30--An Indiana man has been arrested for allegedly stabbing his mother’s boyfriend after discovering the victim had eaten his Thanksgiving leftovers.

Taz Miller, 18, was charged yesterday with battery with a deadly weapon and strangulation. Pictured in the adjacent mug shot, Miller is being held in lieu of $25,000 bond.

According to a Winchester Police Department report, Miller became enraged late Sunday when he realized that his turkey was poached from the refrigerator by Christopher Teer, his mother’s 35-year-old live-in boyfriend.

Miller had returned to his Winchester home with the leftovers after celebrating Thanksgiving at his grandmother’s house.

Miller, who describes himself as a “fighter and a rapper” on his Twitter page, retaliated for the pilferage by stabbing Teer in the arm and leg.

Miller’s mother told cops that he had removed a “large, black handled knife” from a kitchen drawer.

Teer told police that Miller, knife in hand, said, “I’m going to fucking kill you!” He then allegedly stabbed Teer in the arm and thigh, and tried to strangle him. Teer was treated for his wounds at a local hospital.

When questioned by police, Miller acknowledged he “became angry when Mr. Teer ate his turkey” and that he grabbed a kitchen knife.

Though he was wearing blood-stained clothing, the teen claimed that he “did not know if the knife caused any of the injuries” suffered by Teer.

Investigators recovered the bloody weapon from Teer’s bed. The knife’s eight-inch serrated blade was bent at a 45-degree angle, and “blood and tissue was observed on the pointed end.”

November Motivational Poster Roundup

I guess this makes me a motivational blogger.

Talented Animal Of The Day

Cat says no. Why? Because "I hate you" was too much work.


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