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Thursday, October 18, 2012
Wow. Now we know why he got the part.
Actual credits from real movies.
"Author of A Tale of Two Cities: Charles Dickens" - Airplane!
"Worst Boy: Adolf Hitler" - Airplane II: The Sequel
"The Voice: Himself" - Field of Dreams
"Based on the Best-Selling Novel, The Tomatoes of Wrath" - Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
"This film was filmed entirely on location in France, except for bits that were filmed elsewhere." - Killer Tomatoes Eat France!
"ASPCT Approved: No tomatoes were mistreated or injured during production of this motion picture, except those who deserved it." - Killer Tomatoes Eat France!
"IF YOU HAD LEFT THIS THEATRE WHEN THESE CREDITS BEGAN, YOU'D BE HOME NOW." - Hot Shots!
"This film cannot be shown in Flint. All the theaters have closed." - Roger & Me
"No mimes were injured in the making of this motion picture. Furs were not worn. All catering was strictly vegetarian. Filmed entirely in a non-smoking area. All females were referred to as 'women'. White males were considered suspect and made to feel guilty. Condoms were worn at all times.” - Backfire
"No oceans were polluted during the filming of this movie." - Speed 2: Cruise Control
"No thanks whatsoever to the Santa Rosa City School District Governing Board." - Scream
Habe Roasher: Helen Roberts
The Third Man: Guido Reidy
Focus Loader: Jack Williams
Focus Puller: Tony Strachan
Clapper Loader: John Fletcher
Clapper Puller: Tom Brown
Puller Clapper: Joe Taylor
Clapper Clapper: Edward Davis
Flipper Flapper: Jane Thomas
Hey Diddle Diddle: The Cat And The Fiddle
Foreez: A Jolly Good Fellow
This Space For Rent [in the middle of an otherwise blank screen]
- Top Secret!
"Ernst Blofeld: '?' " - From Russia with Love
"No lobsters were harmed during this production, only eaten." - Lobster Man from Mars
"No animals or aliens were harmed in the making of this film." - Independence Day
"Sperm Wrangler: Blair Clark" - Look Who's Talking Too
"Lots of small furry animals with sad eyes were tortured making this movie." - Guns on the Clackamas: A Documentary
"Filmed in Dragarama" - The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
(Last line of credits) "FIN" - A Fish Called Wanda
(Last line of credits): "The movie's over, you can go home now." - Better Off Dead...
"No Canadians were harmed in this production." - Canadian Bacon
"Made without any help whatsoever from the New York Transit Authority" - The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974)
"Thanks to Mom and Dad for having sex all those years ago." - Mallrats
"Filmed on location in Valley of the Sun, Arizona, a great place to raise your kids." - Raising Arizona
Crane Grip .................. Lloyd Barcroft
Dolly Grip .................. Jon Falkengren
Poli-Grip ................... Martha Raye
- Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear
"The band Spinal Tap is fictional. And there's no Easter Bunny, either!" - This Is Spinal Tap
"Special thanks to the Zamundan Film Authority" (Zamunda is the fictional country from which Eddie Murphy's character comes.) - Coming to America
"No dogs were harmed in the making of this film. We shot them all at the wrap party." - Curse of the Queerwolf
"Special Effects Bra by Bart Trickel" - The Linguini Incident
Demon Wrangler: Kevin Kutchaver
Stand-By Demon Wrangler: Linda Obalil
Director's Mistress: Phyllis Diedrickson
- Hard To Die
"Special thanks to the City of Tokyo for assistance in getting Godzilla to appear in this movie." - Bambi Meets Godzilla"
"Screenplay by James Dearden, for the screenplay based on his earlier screenplay." - Fatal Attraction
Emergency Operator: 911
Enterprise Captains: James T. Kirk, Jean-Luc Picard
Still Waters: Run Deep
Horse Translator: Dr Doolittle
Dead Sculptors: Michelangelo, Rodin
Sketchy Artist: Vincent Van Gogh
Plastered: My Wierd Uncle Bob
Loaded Cameraman: Getting Help
Kung Fu Grip: G.I. Joe
Ms. Sheridan's Stand-Out: Her Legs
Gorgeous Blonde's Phone Number: Still Trying To Get It
- Spy Hard
"Hardly any animals were killed during the filming of this movie." - Roadkill
A symbol similar to the Artist Formerly Known as Prince is in the credits
as "victim in field" - Fargo