BAM! That'll teach her to run.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
"Unforgettable" can be a good or bad thing. From EW.com.
SHARON STONE - Basic Instinct (1992)
It was the leg-crossing heard 'round the world. With one shift of her not-inconsequential gams, Sharon Stone became a star.
HALLE BERRY - Monster's Ball (2001)
This wasn't the first time Halle Berry had dropped her kit for a movie — that'd be the otherwise forgettable Swordfish — but it was the first time she had a valid reason to do so. As a woefully repressed recent widow, baring her body to Billy Bob Thornton's prison guard was the equivalent to baring her soul. Plus, it was totally hot.
JASON SEGEL - Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
It's once, twice, three times a wiener in the first scenes for Jason Segel's pitiful but lovable Peter Bretter in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (produced by Judd Apatow; see also Walk Hard). Prop comedy indeed, these initial glimpses of Peter's flaccid friend — paired nicely with his undefined abs and pecs in the early stages of man boob — succeeded in making his character immediately relatable. In that ''Oh, man, I've dated/been that dude'' kinda way.
JULIANNE MOORE - Short Cuts (1993)
Moore has recounted that Robert Altman warned her that the role of Marian Wyman had a lengthy monologue where she confesses her infidelity to her husband (Matthew Modine) while naked from the waist down. The redheaded actress says she not only agreed to take the role on the spot but also told Altman that, as a bonus, viewers would see that the carpet matches the drapes. We did, and it does.
VIGGO MORTENSEN - Eastern Promises (2007)
In a near-perfect example of can't-look-away-can't-NOT-look-away filmmaking, Russian mobster Nikolai Luzhin (Mortensen) engages in a brutal steam-room knife fight with nothing but mist to cloak his nethers.
KATHY BATES - About Schmidt (2002)
Kathy Bates hasn't been shy about showing her not-a-supermodel's body on screen. She got naked and rolled around in the mud in At Play in the Fields of the Lord, and she's similarly fearless in a scene here where she surprises a hot-tubbing Jack Nicholson by stepping into the Jacuzzi au naturel. Nicholson's grouchy retiree is pretty funny, but the bold Bates steals the movie's biggest laugh.
WILL FERRELL - Old School (2003)
We have the fellas of Old School to thank for a whole new drinking vernacular in the 2000s. Since its debut on the hungover, bloodshot-eyed Animal House scene, we've all been victim to a ''Frank the Tank!'' chant during a boozy night. And for the unlucky ones (come on, people, ''beer before liquor gets you drunk quicker''), you've uttered Will Ferrell's ''We're going STREAKing!'' one more time than you'd like to — or can — remember.
CHARLTON HESTON - Planet of the Apes (1968)
Well, usually, when human scientists examine monkeys in a lab, the monkeys are naked, so turnabout is fair play when it's the apes poking at sweaty, wild-eyed savage beast Charlton Heston.
BEVERLY D'ANGELO - National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)
With golden hair and hot-mom-next-door good looks, Vacation matriarch Beverly D'Angelo shined as the common man's version of The Graduateesque MILF. After her revealing sudsy shower scene in the cult classic, you can only wonder why the bumbling Clark Griswold was constantly fantasizing about other blond babes.
KATE WINSLET - Holy Smoke (1999)
(I'm adding this one because it wasn't on EW's list -- they have Kate, but don't mention this scene in Holy Smoke, where she walks up to the cam stark naked and then pees down her leg. Memorable. - C)
(See the rest at EW.com)
From The Onion.
Insurance Company Celebrates 50 Billionth Fucking Over Of Customer
CANTON, OH—Overjoyed Cigna executives celebrated the health insurer’s 50 billionth fucking over of a customer Thursday, personally surprising 56-year-old spinal trauma victim Clyde Gershon with champagne, confetti, and hundreds of multicolored balloons as they denied his most recent disability claim.
The wheelchair-bound Gershon, who has required an expensive regimen of pills and physical therapy since a 2010 car crash, was greeted at his front door by cheering, party-hat-wearing members of Cigna’s senior management, who posed for pictures while presenting him with an oversized cardboard “Claim Denied!” letter explaining that he was judged fit to return to work and would lose all coverage at the end of the month.
“We did it! We’ve completely and utterly fucked over a customer for the 50 billionth time," exclaimed CEO David Cordani, drawing a vibrant round of applause as Gershon, gaunt and dejected, stared blankly off into the distance.
“Ruining this many lives is an accomplishment no one ever could have dreamed of back in 1982 when Cigna was founded. And today, I can proudly say we have not only achieved it, but inflicted an incalculable amount of mental anguish along the way.”
According to sources, Cigna has been preparing to commemorate the 50-billion milestone since late April, when its “Big Board”—an electronic ticker counting the number of customers the company has savagely fucked over—passed 49,500,000,000 after the insurer postponed coverage of an unemployed father’s kidney transplant for the fourth time, forcing his family to accumulate mounds and mounds of debt to pay for dialysis.
Excitement continued to grow throughout the summer as eager employees began refusing claims for procedures the company had previously covered by saying that they “hadn’t been coded right,” which accelerated its march towards 50 billion by an additional 200,000 fucking-overs per day.
“In my 13 years helping this company prevent sick people from getting the health care they need, there has never been a more exciting—or lucrative—time to work here,” said Cigna’s executive vice president Mark Boxer, celebrating at the office with the national accounts team, which took turns swinging at a cancer-patient shaped piñata.
(Story continues here)