Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The 7 Least Convincing Movie High Schoolers Of The Day (And Possibly Ever)

From CollegeHumor.com.

There's a reason filmmakers rarely cast actual teenagers. Real adolescence is full of insecurity, change, stickiness, and other things no one actually wants to see on a big screen. Still, there's a fine line between comfortably post-pubescent and somebody's goddamn grandma.

JUDD NELSON (The Breakfast Club)



Movie Age: 17
Actual Age: 26

It's OK that Judd Nelson's classic bad boy looks a few years older than his naive peers. It's not OK that he looks like he's been drinking and smoking heavily for the past two decades. Through no fault of Judd's, the fingerless gloves and endlessly layered flannel all reek of a guy a little too old trying a little too hard.

HARLAND WILLIAMS (Sorority Boys)



Movie Age: 25, if we're being generous
Actual Age: 40

Casting Director: "Sir, I'm sorry, we've sent offers to every comedian in Hollywood, no one wants to be in this movie."

Producer: "No one?"

Casting: "Well, the guy from Rocket Man's available, but, I mean, he's old enough to be these kids' dad."

Producer: "Fuck it, we're not making Citizen Kane here. Book him."

RICHARD DREYFUSS (American Graffiti)



Movie Age: 18
Actual Age: 26

Thanks to a rare, Benjamin Buttons-esque condition, Richard Dreyfuss has spent the majority of his life as a fifty-five year-old man. So while it's strange to see him play high school, stranger still is that the film is a period piece, set a decade earlier in 1962 when Dreyfuss was actually finishing high school. With such quixotic casting, no wonder the only other thing on the director's resume is some silly fantasy movie.

ERIC CHRISTIAN OLSEN
(Not Another Teen Movie, The Hot Chick, Fired Up)



Movie Age: 17
Actual Age: 23-32

Story goes, an old gypsy witch was so infuriated by Olsen's performance in Not Another Teen Movie that she cursed him, dooming him to become that which he had mocked. (The witch was a big She's All That fan.) In any case, the irony came full circle this year, when 32-year-old Olsen played a vain high school football star in Fired Up, a non-parody version of the role that gave him his start almost a decade ago.

STOCKARD CHANNING (Grease)



Movie Age: 17
Actual Age: 33

Given the actual skills needed to be in a musical, it's understandable producers would want to cast more seasoned performers. However, not only was Channing aggressively attacking her mid-30s when the film came out, she was already on her second marriage. Singing/dancing? Yes. Remotely convincing teen angst? Not a chance.

TOM HANKS (Forrest Gump)



Movie Age: 15
Actual Age: 38

If biopics like Ray and Walk The Line have taught us anything about historical figures, it's that, after puberty, they remain stuck in their early-to-mid thirties for their entire life, pausing only occasionally to don unconvincing old-age make-up. Despite his fictional status, Forrest Gump is no exception, going from young tyke to Robin William's Jack in one brace-shattering montage.

SHANNON ELIZABETH (American Pie)



Movie Age: 18
Actual Age: 26

How outrageous is it that producers thought that, at the age of 26, Shannon Elizabeth could be remotely convincing as a Czech foreign exchange student? I mean, with her limited resume, what possible assets could she have brought to the-- ah, right.
.

Facebook Fail Of The Day: Josh The Pirate

From Lamebook and Anastasia.

.

Buy My New Book!

Available now. See links below.


From Amazon.com:

"Back by popular demand, the mind-blowing follow-up to the bestselling 1,001 Facts That Will Scare the S#*t Out of You. An all-new collection of entertaining and horrifying truths about us, our world, and why we’re totally screwed. With more disturbing facts and fun new topics, including weird celebrities, boobs, the internet, clowns, serial killers, sexual fetishes, bacon, Elvis, things that will eat you, and more. From stupid dead people to halitosis caused by constipation to a singer whose music can get you killed in some Jamaican neighborhoods, it’s all here—everything you need to know about the scary s#*t that surrounds all of us.

FACT: Men are four times as likely as women to be struck by lightning.


FACT: McDonald’s McRib sandwich contains some of the same ingredients used to manufacture gym mats and running shoes.


FACT: Celine Dion first met future husband René Angélil when she was 12 years old. He was 38.


FACT: A study suggests that food like bacon affect the brain in a manner similar to cocaine and heroin, overloading pleasure centers and requiring increasing amounts."



Buy it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Penguin Books. Thanks for your support.

August Motivational Poster Roundup

They're funny because they're true.














































.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails