Tuesday, August 21, 2012

11 Movie Aliens That Look Like Genitalia

Another one from the archives. And Maxim.com

Clawbia Majora (Predator)

With a combination labia-mouth like that, no wonder Arnie was chasing this thing for days around the jungle half-naked.

Cock in a Purse (My Stepmother Is an Alien)

It's common knowledge that every woman keeps a Pocket Rocket handy, but on-the-go vixens like Kim Basinger pack scaly-red one-eyed monsters like this nasty hose beast.

Ball-chinian (Men In Black)

Doesn't take a Psych major to pick this one apart.

Sandgina (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)

It'd take monumongous manhood to tap the Sarlacc's sandy slop box, for sure. But if anyone can do it (see next)...

Dong of the Dead (Dune)

Before David Lynch painted his horny portrait of suburbia with smut like Blue Velvet, the writer/director released his sexual deviance on outer space with these hole-punching hump kabobs.

Spear Pucker (Starship Troopers)

We learned that things worse than poop and legislation can issue from an asshole. For instance, a giant claw that sucks out your brain.

Vibe Raider (Coneheads)

Summer 1993: the only time in Dan Aykroyd's midlife crisis when women considered him sexy. How could they not, what with their nightstand fellow glued to his head through the whole flick?

Prolapsed Anus (War Of The Worlds)

If Richard Gere can accommodate a gerbil, then this whale of an extraterrestrial has to shove the New York Giants up its sphincter to get off.

Alcoholic Clit Monster (Star Wars IV: A New Hope)

The swollen clitoris on this Mos Eisley Cantina regular's jaw is disgusting to be sure, but, at least it's easy to find.

Pocket '70s Bush (Star Trek)

Since the dawn of time, man has sought to grow vaginas like Sea-Monkeys. Tragically, we've yet to discover the formula, but James T. Kirk found the next best thing. In outer space, however, there are no bikini waxes.

Fuck Face (Aliens)

Not only does this otherworldly mound of moosehoof attach itself to your face, forcing cunnilingus, but it also impregnates you with gut-bursting alien spawn. Eww! We don't even kiss with tongue!

Dead Dumbass Of The Day: Fiery Protester

Karma 1, Leisner 0.

Fiery Gay Marriage Opponent Who Torched Cheerios On General Mills Lawn Dies

August 15, 2012

The gay marriage opponent whose recent fiery, videotaped protest outside General Mills gained national attention--and triggered a criminal investigation--died over the weekend, according to police.

Michael Leisner, 65, died Saturday while running an errand near his Andover, Minnesota home. His funeral service is scheduled for Friday morning at the Emmanuel Christian Center.

Dwight Denyes, the church’s senior pastor, told TSG that Leisner (pictured at right) apparently died of a heart attack Saturday while waiting in his car for two of his children to finish playing tennis.

Leisner’s death brings an abrupt end to a police investigation of his protest outside General Mills’s corporate headquarters in Golden Valley.

In an e-mail today, Stacy Carlson, chief of the Golden Valley Police Department, reported that, “It’s being closed...due to the suspect’s death over the weekend.”

In a video shot by one of his sons, Leisner, a father of four, is seen trying to set fire to a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. But Leisner, carrying a blowtorch, accidentally set fire to the lawn outside the entrance to the corporate park. When he failed to stomp out the flames, Leisner told his son, “Quick, get in the car.” 

They apparently fled while a section of the lawn was still on fire.

Leisner staged the Cheerios burning to protest General Mills’s announcement that it would oppose a November ballot initiative banning gay marriage in Minnesota. 

Video of Leisner’s torching (which occurred earlier this month) was uploaded to his YouTube page (Live4Chr1st), where Leisner can also be seen attacking Representative Barney Frank and Bill Maher, while noting that President Barack Obama has “bent forward to accommodate the sodomites of New York.”

He also makes reference to "gay perverts," "fierce faggots," and the "depraved, debasing debauchery of gay activists."

In a Facebook tribute, one of Leisner’s nephews--a missionary in Costa Rica--wrote in Spanish that Leisner was as “bold as a lion of God,” though some would remember him as “a flaming Elijah.” Unfortunately, an English translation on the Facebook page mangled part of the tribute. “Please pray for the family of Mike to feel the spirit of God as dildo in this time of a loss,” the Bing translation notes.

Comedy Film Alphabet Poster Of The Day

Stephen Wildish does great stuff. At first glance I about half of these. Some are tough. There's no answer key so you're on your own.


Cheese People Of The Day 2

From the blog, Cheese People. And acid people, apparently.

More here.


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