Not my usual kind of post but I saw this on Reader's Digest and thought, whoa, meow hiss! Then I thought about all the women that read LOTD and said to meself, this oughta stir things up a little bit. So here you go. I'll be in the kitchen making popcorn. Then I want to hear your thoughts on this.
13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Tell You
1. It hurts to be downsized. I spent a couple of decades being the leading lady; now I have a character role.
2. I know he's your husband now. But he’s still my son.
3. You don't seem very confident about yourself. The littlest comment from me is taken as a criticism, so I’m very careful what I say around you.
4. A little gratitude wouldn't hurt. Every year, I send you a birthday present, but you never even pick up the phone to thank me. This year, I said, “That’s it. No more.” Yet look at me: I’m about to send another present. I guess that’s how I am.
5. I want the best for both of us. We mothers say to our children, “I want you to be happy.” And we mean that. What we don’t say is, “But I would like to be happy too.”
6. I know a little something. I’ve bought and sold 13 houses in my life. Why won’t you ask for my advice?
7. When I visit you, I'm just coming to see the family. I’m not coming for a white-glove inspection.
8. I've got his number. When I really want to talk to my son privately, I don’t call your house. I call his cell phone.
9. I'm truly appreciative. I’m so happy that you allow my son—your husband—to visit me on Mother’s Day. It’s a long trip and a big expense.
10. I have a dirty little secret. I’m afraid that if I don’t get this right, you’ll cut me off.
11. I'm in competition with your mother. She takes you on vacations every year and buys things I can’t afford. All I can do is love you and babysit for you. I hope that’s enough and that it’s appreciated.
12. I'm lucky to have you! Whenever I stay at your house, you always have my room ready, my towels, everything. You do all the right things.
13. You know me well. I cherish the refrigerator magnet you gave me: “Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.” .
Dying Lion Sure Doesn't Feel As Though He's Completing Some Great Cosmic Circle
July 30, 2012 | ISSUE 48•31
THE SERENGETI—According to a male lion currently dying on the Serengeti Plain, his agonizing demise certainly doesn't seem as though it's part of some transcendent cosmic circle of life, but rather as if he’s slowly and painfully bleeding to death.
The expiring lion, who dragged his weakened body onto an isolated patch of grassland Monday after being mortally wounded by a poacher, confirmed to reporters that he is not experiencing a tranquil, satisfying sense of harmony with the universe, but is instead mainly feeling intense physical torment brought on by a fatal wound to the abdomen.
"I could be wrong, and maybe this is all an enchanting and noble chapter in life's great cosmic narrative, but right now it pretty much just feels like I'm dying alone on the ground in a puddle of my own blood," said the 500-pound big cat, releasing a deep moan as violent spasms seized his body.
"Shouldn't I be feeling a stirring sensation of kinship with all living creatures or something? Yeah, I'm not getting any of that."
The lion also reported that he has heard no triumphant string music backed by thundering tribal drums swelling all around him, but rather only the sound of flies buzzing around his soon-to-be lifeless body.