From The Onion.
New Commercials For Old Milwaukee Beer Feature Group Of Friends Contemplating Suicide
WOODRIDGE, IL—Old Milwaukee beer announced Friday the launch of a new series of commercials featuring a group of friends despondently contemplating suicide while drinking the alcoholic beverage and sitting in darkened apartments.
According to company spokesperson Jim Sloman, the ads are intended to reflect the experience of a large segment of the Old Milwaukee customer base, namely those for whom the daily indignities and humiliations of life have almost become too much to bear, and who increasingly see no solution other than killing themselves.
"We're confident consumers of Old Milwaukee will strongly relate to these drunk, hopeless, broken down men joylessly downing beer after beer while listlessly watching television and discussing in flat monotones whether there's any compelling reason why they shouldn't just end it all," Sloman said following a screening of a TV spot in which a pale, sunken-eyed man opens his ninth Old Milwaukee, stares at it blankly, and then puts it down untouched after realizing that nothing is helping.
"Extensive market research has shown these scenes are quite authentic in terms of how a great number of Americans enjoy the crisp, delicious taste of Old Milwaukee beer," claims Sloman.
Old Milwaukee reps say the new advertising campaign will "really strike a chord" with their consumer base.
Sloman said the commercials will have elements of continuity tying them together in a loose narrative, including a character named Randall who, irrespective of anything else being said in the commercial or whether anyone is even listening to him, only looks at the floor and says, "Erica…Erica…where did it all go wrong?"
Additionally, one or more characters will end each ad by offhandedly muttering Old Milwaukee's new slogan, "Honestly, what's the fucking point?"
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