Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Tumblr Page Of The Day: Ghetto Hikes

The site is called Ghetto Hikes, and here's the deal, according to the creator: "I'm 28. I have a full time job leading urban kids (of all races) on nature hikes. I simply write down shit they say."

These are hysterical and even sweet in an odd sort of way. Many thanks to Jennifer Castle and Dan McBride for the link.

“Mr. Cody, I ain’t no snitch or nuffin’ but Denny back there shovin’ colored rocks in his pockets. Homie lootin’ the forest!”

“Bring the first aids kit, Leon think he tore his rotisserie cuff.”

“Is rabbits eatable? Or you just s’posed to cuddle the fuck outta them?”

“Yo Mr. Cody, how many these mushrooms I gotta eat fo’ I Super Mario da fuck outta dis place?”

“Hey Dustin! Getcha ass ova here! We buildin’ bird feeders! Peanut butter pinecone craft time motherfucka!”

“Quinton’s fat ass waaaay back there. Homie can’t keep his pants up. Tryna borrow a belt, I’m like nobody here wear size Equator!”

“Mr. Cody, this cool but next time I get my cousin D’wayne to deliver us Papa Johns. D’wayne turn these woods into a pizza party forest.”

“If me and J√©von find a treasures chest out here, we makin’ the bus driver stop by the Coinstar. Cool?”

“Hey, i’mma leave this cologne out for the animals. Help a brother get some pussy in the matin’ seasons.”

“Mr. Cody, me n’ Patrice gunna poke holes in the top of dis tent. My mama gunna be pissed if I come home stuffocated.”

“You don’t need to tell Markell he has to shit in a hole, homie shits in all sorta crazy places.”

“I sits wherever I damn please, ain’t no assign seats up in this forest.”

“The earth be like, ‘today i feel like makin a river.’ That’s just motherfuckin’ mother nature.”

“Ernesto know all about plants n’ fungi n’ shit, his mama work at Subway.”

“We out in nature dawg, ain’t no need to use dictionary words like ‘beverage.’

Lots more at Ghetto Hikes.


"WTF? Seriously?" News Story Of The Day: Woman Sues Little League Player After Being Hit With Errant Ball

Hit her again. With a bat this time. 

From Mandatory.

Woman Hit by a Baseball Sues 11-Year-Old

by Max Miller
June 22, 2012

In cranky-old-lady news, a New Jersey woman who was hit in the face by a rogue baseball while in attendance at a Little League baseball game has filed charges against the 11-year-old boy who was responsible for the misfire.

Elizabeth Lloyd was struck by the baseball when she was sitting at a picnic table near the fenced-in bullpen where catcher Matthew Migliaccio was practicing with a pitcher.

The lawsuit accuses the young baseball player of assault and battery, and causing severe permanent pain to Lloyd.

No one was more shocked to hear the news than Migliaccio's parents themselves. Matthew's father, Bob, admitted that they showed concern for Lloyd at first, but when his son started receiving threatening letters and then papers serving him, the entire situation became infuriating.

"It's absurd to expect every 11-year-old to throw the ball on target," Migliaccio said. "Everyone knows you've got to watch out. You assume some risk when you go out to a field. That's just part of being at a game."

The Migliaccios know they could garner a victory if they opted to fight the charges in court, but the tens of thousands of dollars it would cost them to do so just aren't worth it. On top of that, the Migliaccios aren't receiving any sort of help from Little League in the matter.

Their only hope at this point is that maybe Elizabeth Lloyd will get distracted by her day job of chasing down 101 dalmatian puppies to make into a fur coat to follow through with the lawsuit.

Celebrity Star Wars Photoshops Of The Day

From a series of amusing contests on Worth1000.com.

Mr. Y

Darth Simpson

Foreman and R2-D2

Gen. Goofous

Queen Frodo


Darth Shrek

Moby-Wan Kenobi

Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

C-creepy, yo

Rodney the Hutt

The Millennium Lee

Queen Spacey

Emperor Putintine


Queen Leia

Mr. J

I Am Darth Maul

Danny DeYoda


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