Thursday, June 21, 2012

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Summertime Romance

best of craigslist > flint >



Summertime Romance


Date: 2012-06-05, 4:48PM EDT


Are you lookin' for a summertime romance that is both consensual, yet carnal AND mental? I gotta be honest with all you babes out there, I'm gettin' sick of the playboy lifestyle. I mean, I'm not ready for anything super long term, but my man pool is definitely open for business up until the end of August, maybe September, and I'd like a 100% woman who wants to take a love dip during those hot summer nights. It's not that I'm afraid of commitment, I'm still married by the law to Ann, but she's old news in the Snooze section. 

A little about me, people say I'm a bad boy. But you can't judge a book by it's cover, just 'cause mine has a rockin' pony, complete with a 'rang. I drive a convertible sports car (you just gotta check it out) which is perfect for cruisin', sippin' G&Ts, and "more" (wink). I'm also a bold flavor man from way back. Whether I'm grillin' you up one of my signature steaks (complete with my special seasonings) or blowin' your mind with my world famous Bratato salad (that's my homemade mustard potato salad, with thick cut chunks of meaty Cheddarwurst mixed right in for a flavor explosion like a thousand suns. It's so money.), you'll be eatin' outta bounds, 24/7. And around me, you'll always have a fresh cold one. I'm not one of those corncobs who lets it get down to the flat & warm spit before I'm right on point with somethin' to wet your mouth down properly. 

If you want a mental picture of what my touch is like, just jump off a roof at 3:57 in Still of The Night by Whitesnake. (Don't really do that and get crippled, but just picture it. It's the ultimate in carnal passion.) Also, I'm always down for a Top Shelf Marg, anytime, and I'm not stingy like Dave who will buy you a marg, but then you find out it's not Top Shelf and wanna smash his face for lyin'. 

If these things are to your enticement, and maybe give you the lady tingles, then let's roll, you guys. 

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Weird Things Your Favorite Kid Stars Are Up To These Days

I dunno, weird is subjective. From Buzzfeed.

JODIE SWEETIN
How You First Got To Know Her: Full House


Recent weirdness: Was addicted to meth, but is clean now and a mother


KEL MITCHELL
How You First Got To Know Him: Nickelodeon's All That and Kenan and Kel


Recent weirdness: Was rumored to be addicted to orange soda drugs but appears to have turned it all around by finding religion.


MAYIM BIALIK
How You First Got To Know Her: TV's Blossom. 


Recent weirdness: Is still breastfeeding her 3 1/2 year old son (sometimes in public, spotted doing so on the NYC subway) and defended the TIME magazine breastfeeding cover.


JARED LETO
How You First Got To Know Him: My So-Called Life


Recent weirdness: Is really obsessed with his band, 30 Seconds To Mars, and being a muse for Terry Richardson.


LARK VOORHEES
How You First Got To Know Her: Saved By The Bell's Lisa Turtle

Recent weirdness: Showed up out of nowhere to an interview looking, er, different than she used to.


(See more at Buzzfeed.)

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Who To Unfriend On Facebook (Of The Day)

Finally, an easy way to determine which FB friends you need to cut. Click the link (it's safe) to see.



From Liz T. and failbook.com.

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