Monday, April 30, 2012

News Of The Day: Hot Wheels

Florida: America's meatfuck capital. From The Smoking Gun.


Cops: Girl's Kin Towed Her Toy Car Behind SUV

APRIL 30--The grandparents of a seven-year-old Florida girl were arrested yesterday after they allegedly got drunk and used their SUV to tow the child while she was seated in a plastic Hot Wheels car.

Paul Berloni, 49, and Belinda Jean Berloni, 47, were busted Sunday afternoon after a sheriff’s deputy spotted them pulling the girl’s toy car, which was attached to the SUV by a pair of dog leashes. 

The child, who was not injured, was only wearing a swimsuit “and had no protective gear on whatsoever,” according to a Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office report.

A deputy estimated that the Hot Wheels car was traveling between 5-10 miles per hour when a traffic stop was executed. Paul Berloni, who was driving the SUV, reeked of booze, had watery and bloodshot eyes, and his speech was “slowed and slurred.” When asked for his driver’s license, Berloni said that it was “revoked for 10 years for a DUI.”

Belinda Berloni was riding in the vehicle’s cargo area “with the rear hatch open cheering the child on as she was being pulled behind the vehicle.”

Berloni--who a deputy noted was also drunk--stated that “it was dangerous to drag a child behind the vehicle,” but that “they were just having fun and had been doing this all day.”

The Berlonis “failed to provide adequate supervision for the child and put the child in a situation that could have easily resulted in great bodily harm, permanent disfigurement or even death.”

As such, the couple (pictured in the above mug shots) was each charged with child cruelty. Paul Berloni was also hit with drunk driving and driving with a suspended license counts.

When the child’s father, Justin Oetting, arrived at the scene, he became very upset at his mother, a deputy noted. He asked Belinda Berloni, “Are you fucking stupid you should know better.” The girl was placed in Oetting’s custody.

The Berlonis are being held in the Sarasota County jail, where bond has not been set on the felony cruelty toward child count.

Vid Of The Day: Honk

From The Onion.


Tired Of Traffic? A New DOT Report Urges Drivers: 'Honk'

People You'll Meet On Every Neighborhood E-Mail List

Yup. I know them all.


THE LOOSE CANNON

This person is liable at any moment to pepper the email chain with profanity, personal attacks, or links to NSFW YouTube videos wholly unrelated to anything going on in the neighborhood. If your group has a hands-on moderator, you might not know these people exist.

THE ARMCHAIR URBAN PLANNER

This person is always ready to debate the pending arrival of the new mixed-use Ikea/condo with talking points about “economic development,” “transit corridors” and “walkable urbanism.”

THE LONGTIME RESIDENT

No matter how long you’ve lived in your neighborhood, this person has lived there longer, and will remind you of that fact every chance he or she gets. Favorite phrases include, “You don’t know the half of it,” “Back in my day,” and, “Perhaps it’s time for you to brush up on your local history.”

THE LOCAL-ISH BUSINESS OWNER WHO ISN'T

This guy neither lives in the immediate neighborhood nor runs a business that is actually located there. But every time he gets in a new shipment of stationery, he wants to keep people posted.

THE NEIGHBORHOOD PATROL NUT

He won’t ever stop preaching to the whole group about how everyone needs to lock their car doors at night. Also, he sometimes sends horribly offensive live safety alerts like, “There is a black man walking down Washington Boulevard right now.”

THE "REPLY ALL" GUY

If Ethel is looking for someone who knows a good antique sewing machine repairman, this individual will respond with the answer… to everyone.


(Continued at The Atlantic Cities)

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