Monday, February 27, 2012

News Of The Day: Croc Bites Off Man's Testicles

Oh well, it's not like he was using them. From WTF News.



A 70-YEAR-OLD man had his testicles and part of his penis ripped-off by a crocodile while crossing a flooded river.

Jonah Maturure, from Marutaya in Gutu, is just happy to be alive after his terrifying battle with the reptile.


Now recovering at the United Bulawayo Hospitals (UBH), Maturure claims he has a box of tomatoes to thank for his escape after he dropped it into the water, briefly distracting the croc but long enough for him to swim to safety.

Vegetable farmer Maturure says he was taking a box of tomatoes to a nearby shopping centre when he came across the flooded Chivake River. The water levels were at chest level.

"I was not suspecting anything. I had earlier on crossed the river using the same crossing place,” he told the Bulawayo Sunday News.

The father of four had removed his shirt and trousers to remain only in his pants. He put the clothing – which he wanted to remain dry – on top of the box with the tomatoes which he carried on his head.

Midway across the river, Maturure’s worst nightmare was realized when the crocodile leapt at him.

He added: “It grabbed a chunk of my buttocks before attacking my manhood – tearing my testicles into shreds. I quickly put my thumb in its mouth to try and choke it, but it grabbed my hand and I could hear my bones crushing with every squeeze."

"Realising that I was losing the battle, I let go of the box of tomatoes that I was carrying on my head and it fell into the river causing a splash. At that instant, the crocodile released its grip on my hand and ran towards the noise.

“I used the opportunity to walk to the other bank with blood flowing down my legs from the wounds.”

Vid Of The Day: Anesthesia FTW

Street drugs will be such a letdown after this.


Fake Movie Trailer Of The Day: Movie, The Movie

I can't decide if this is funny because it's funny or funny because it's painfully unfunny or just painfully unfunny. It's definitely too long. But, I did laugh a couple of times, and the cameos are nice, so it's your call. Just keep your expectations low.


13 Men's Fashions That Never Should Have Happened

From Complex, who list 50, but I just picked 13 I had actually heard of. My idea of trendy is wearing a shirt with a collar.

CARPENTER PANTS

Lookin' good, Dad. Can I borrow your band saw?

FROSTED TIPS

Frosted flakes.

WALLET CHAIN

You're not Springsteen.

MANICURED BROWS

Even worse than a unibrow.

FOX TAIL BELT

LOLwut? Is this real?

BIEBER HAIR

Even Bieber doesn't wear this anymore.

PARACHUTE PANTS

Stop! Hammer time's over.

CAPS WITH STICKERS

Those come off, you know.

DEEP V-NECKS

You might as well wear an unbuttoned button-up shirt.

TRUCKER CAPS

Trucking isn't cool and never was, except for a brief time in the 70s that we are all trying to forget.

LAYERED POLO SHIRTS

I thought this only happened in John Hughes movies.

SHOES WITH POINTY OR SQUARE TIPS

What are you, a clown?

CONVERTIBLE PANTS

Part pants, part shorts, all lame. Unless you're 7, then they're way cool.


See the rest at Complex.

Self-Expression Of The Day

Exactly how I feel on Monday morning, too. (click pic)

Thanks, MovieGuru, for the link.


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