Thursday, February 9, 2012

Vid Of The Day: Gooshers

From Beth, who says this reminds her of Sprockets on SNL.

Keep dancing!

News Of The Day: Police Seek Armed Robber Of Sex Toy (NSFW-ish)

Okay, which one of you was it? Fess up.

From The Smoking Gun.

Iowa Police Seek Public's Help In Armed Robbery Of $250 "Mega Masturbator"

February 7, 2012

In a bid to capture the armed robber who last month stole a $250 sex doll from an Iowa City adult store, police today released a surveillance photo showing the suspect making off with the item.

Seen above, the image shows the ski mask-clad man carrying the sex doll inside the Romantix Pleasure Palace shop at around 3 AM on January 12.

Before releasing the store surveillance photo, cops pixelated it to obscure explicit images on the box of the Pipedream Extreme “F**k Me Silly #1” (link NSFW) model “mega masturbator.”

As previously reported, the stolen 20-pound sex doll is described by its manufacturer as “the most realistic piece of ass you ever f**ked...Slap that big round ass and listen to the sounds and feels just like a real ass!”

According to police, the robber displayed a large hunting knife to a Romantix employee before leaving with the sex doll (the box for which is seen above). Cops described the suspect as a “white male, approximately 5'8" - 5'10", 165 lbs.”

In return for information leading to the man’s arrest, Iowa City Area CrimeStoppers is offering an award of up to $1000.

Sign Of The Day: Valentine's

You'd better hurry, too.

Lost 80s Music Video Of The Day

Mullets + keytar = WIN. Thanks, Sheri, for reminding me of this hilarious pile of suck.

The Other 100 Greatest Movie Quotes Of All Time

Some great ones here, some "meh." I think #65 is a terrible choice--the lamest, clunkiest line in the entire movie. There is also a disturbing lack of quotes here from Dumb & Dumber, Fargo, The Evil Dead, Animal House, Toy Story (any) and so many more. But hey, it's all subjective, right? From Pajiba.

100. “I love my dead gay son. —Heathers

99. “Where was ya, Wang? We was worried.” — Murder by Death

98. “Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head!” —The Way of the Gun

97. “How am I not myself?” — I Heart Huckabees

96. “Welcome to Debbie Country.” — Singles

95. “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”- - Zoolander

94. “Well, this piece is called ‘Lick My Love Pump.’” — Spinal Tap

93. “This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.” — Swingers

92. “I hate you, and I hate your ass face!” — Waiting for Guffman

91. “Back and to the left.” — JFK

90. “No, I said ‘allo,’ but that’s close enough.” — Labyrinth

89. “That’s bee-YOU-tee-ful, what is that, velvet?” — Coming to America

88. “It’s a moral imperative.” —Real Genius

87. “Go do that voodoo that you do so well!” — Blazing Saddles

86. “No dice, soldier.” —Brick

85. “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.” — Conan the Barbarian

84. “Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.” — Uncle Buck

83. “Do you concur?” “Damnit! Why didn’t I concur?!” — Catch Me If You Can

82. “The place where a U.S. soldier goes to defecate, relieve himself, open his bowel, shit, fart, dump, crap, and unload, is called the latrine. The la-trine, from the French.” — Biloxi Blues

81. “Big bottoms, big bottoms, talk about mudflaps, my girls got ‘em.” — Spinal Tap

80. “My life is as good as an Abba song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.” — Muriel’s Wedding

79. “Guns are for show. Knives are for pros.” — Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels

78. “I shall call him Squishy. And he shall be mine. And he shall be MY Squishy.” — Finding Nemo

77. “I’ll sleep with you for a meatball.” —Victor/Victoria

76. “Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys.” — Bring it On

75. “What’s a nubian?” — Chasing Amy

74. “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, kid.” — Star Wars

73. “You’ve got red on you.” — Shaun of the Dead

72. “I touched the earth, and he loved me back.” — Secretary

71. “Not you, fat Jesus.” — The Hangover

70. “This pile of shit has a thousand eyes.” — Stand By Me

69. “Not the beeeees!.” — Wicker Man

68. “She’s been fucked more times than she’s had a hot meal.” — Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

67. “I can’t believe I just gave my panties to a geek.” — Sixteen Candles

66. “It’s a veg-e-ta-ble.” —My Blue Heaven

65. “Goddammit, I’d piss on a spark plug if I thought it’d do any good! ” — War Games

64. “I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?” — Grosse Pointe Blank

63. “Now, you’ve got a corpse in a car, minus a head, in a garage. Take me to it.” — Pulp Fiction

62. “Ever since I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster.” — Goodfellas

61. “Wolfman has nards!” — Monster Squad

60. “He’s an angel. He’s an angel straight from heaven!” — Raising Arizona

59. “Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.” — High Anxiety

58. “Somebody’s got to go back and get a shitload of dimes.” — Blazing Saddles

57. “You idiots! These are not them! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!” — Spaceballs

56. “Bratwurst? Aren’t we the optimist?” —10 Things I Hate About You

55. “Sabrina, don’t just stare at it, eat it.” — American Psycho

54. “I take your fucking bullets!” - -Scarface

53. “I’m kind of a big deal.” — Anchorman

52. “Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains.” — Bull Durham

51. “We deal in lead, friend.” — The Magnificent Seven

50. “I don’t know, I mostly just hurt people.” —Alien Resurrection

49. “Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.” — Better Off Dead

48. “All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin’.” — Chasing Amy

47. “Let’s shag ass.” —The Royal Tenenbaums

46. “That’s atomized colloidal silver. It’s being pumped through the building’s air conditioning system, you cock-juggling thundercunt!” — Blade: Trinity

45. “I don’t understand. All my life I’ve been waiting for someone and when I find her, she’s … she’s a fish.” — Splash

44. “Demented and sad, but social.” — The Breakfast Club

43. “This is so bad it’s gone past good and back to bad again.” — Ghost World

42. “GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!” — The Goonies

41. “Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don’t fall out of the sky, you know.” — Dogma

40. “They’ve done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.” — Anchorman

39. “Richie, would you do me a favor and eat my pussy for me… please?” — From Dusk til Dawn

38. “I’m hungry. Let’s get a taco.” — Reservoir Dogs

37. “They’re coming to get you, Barbara!” — Night of the Living Dead

36. “Maybe you’re the plucky comic relief.” — Galaxy Quest

35. “We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26…we were of that disposition.” — High Fidelity

34. “I used to fuck guys like you in prison” — Roadhouse

33. “Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill you.” — Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

32. “Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they’re fascist.” — Bull Durham

31. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room! — Dr. Strangelove

30. “Shut the fuck up, Donny.” — The Big Lebowski

29. “If God did not want them shorn, he would not have made them sheep.” — The Magnificent Seven

28. “He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I’m afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died.” — Clue

27. “Nobody fucks with the Jesus.” — The Big Lebowski

26. “Meet me in Montauk.” — Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

25. “Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?” — Heathers

24. “That’s just the way it crumbles … cookie wise.” - The Apartment

23. “Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.” — The Rock

22. “Why didn’t somebody tell me my ass was so big? — Spaceballs

21. “I aim to misbehave.” — Serenity

20. “People are so stupid I can’t bear to be around them anymore.” —Imaginary Heroes

19. “Fuck my cock!” — Wet Hot American Summer

18. “I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.” — The Big Lebowski

17. “The swan ate my baby!” — Drop Dead Gorgeous

16. “I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot, right to the babymaker.” — Anchorman

15. “My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.” — Annie Hall

14. “The Hammer is my penis.” — Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

13. “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.” — Almost Famous

12. “SQUIRREL!” — Up

11. “Excuse me stewardess, I speak jive.” — Airplane

10. “Inconceivable!” — The Princess Bride

9. “I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” — High Fidelity

8. “My God. I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.” — Fight Club

7. “You’re killin’ me Smalls!” — The Sandlot

6. “I was born a poor black child.” — The Jerk

5. “Ray, next time someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!” — Ghostbusters

4. “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” — The Shawshank Redemption

3. “I want my two dollars!” — Better Off Dead

2. “Son, you got a panty on your head.” — Raising Arizona

1. “It ain’t white boy day is it?” — True Romance


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