"FUCHSIA!" Ahahaha! I loved that one. :D
Oh, my mom is one lucky lady. For sure!
These never fail to make me laugh like a hyena. I love the hamster/gangster exchange. It sounds like something my kids would do. "I had to inject her with an epic penis." Yeah, I'll just bet you did, Dad.
One of my favorites even though I can't remember where it came from: Today, I was drunk and horny. So I texted my girlfriend and passed out. I later realized that Auto Correct substituted the p for the s twice, and actually said "I want to eat your puppy."