Good advice from COED magazine. Great advice, actually. Read it and believe it, younguns. Trust me on this.
Old timers: what would you add to this list?
CHOOSING YOUR BEST FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND OVER HIM/HER
She was so smokingly hot, your F’ing crotch could’ve spontaneously combusted at any moment. And the fact that she was untouchable -- lest you ruin the entire friendship you and your best buddy had built up since you were six -- made her all the more desirable. But one day, they broke up. And all of a sudden, you were spending your days holding hands and helping her pick out duvet covers. You and “that asshole” Mr. Ex stopped talking. Time goes by. Then some afternoon you come home to find her blowing a guy from the laundromat.
The piercing you either got at the mall or did in your friend Tim’s basement with a safety pin just wasn’t cool enough, so you switched to 16-gauge hoops, then to 14, and before you knew it, you’ve shoved the biggest g*ddamn thing that doesn’t look like it will give you herpes through your ear lobe like you’re from f**king Ethiopia. But beware: once you’ve finally decided to take out the massive disks in your ears, your lobes will be so stretched, you’ll have to have them sew-up to keep from looking like you have a shriveled butt hole on each ear.
Americans all seem to be addicted to screwing ourselves over by constantly buying stupid shit we can't afford. It might seem harmless at the moment, when your biggest commitment in life is getting drunk and/or laid, but someday when you have a family to support and sending your kids to college is suddenly slopped on your plate, you’re going to be eating a giant sh!t sandwich.
GETTING MARRIED TOO YOUNG
You meet the woman of your dreams. You spend all your time with her; she gets all your jokes. And pretty soon, she’s on the pill and you’re living under the same roof, picking out paint for the dining room, secretly wondering what the hell happened to your manhood. Before you know it, you’re d*ck deep in webcam girl bills and pleated khakis.
If you didn’t know smoking kills you by now, then you probably deserve whatever fate becomes you. Whatever. The thing the never-smokers don’t understand is, smoking is good for the soul, dammit! (Unfortunately, you only think that because you’re addicted to nicotine.) But unless you’re some type of endlessly-going genetic anomaly, THIS SH!T WILL KILL YOU.
NOT TRAVELING (ENOUGH)
It’s hard to realize when you’re 21, but the time for whisking off to foreign lands with nothing to worry about besides which awesome thing to see next quickly evaporates. Before you know it, you’re still in the same place you were seven years before, but with too many responsibilities to get away with jetting off to India for six months, just for the hell of it.
(List continues at COED magazine)