From The Onion, of course.
I Hope The Guy Who Got Knocked Out By The American Thighs In That Song Is Okay
by Janice Weingarten
I just heard a song on the radio that, quite frankly, left me feeling very concerned.
While I understand that the gentleman singing the song was having—or sounded as though he was having—an enjoyable time, I can’t help but worry. All I can say is, I’m glad he met the best damn woman he’d ever seen (as he put it), but I sure hope that guy who got knocked out by the American thighs in that song is okay.
What if he’s really hurt? Being knocked out is a serious matter, whether by American thighs or anything else, and there could be major health consequences as a result.
And frankly, it sounded pretty serious. There was some agitation in the singing man’s voice, to be sure. It almost seemed as though he was screaming, which I can only assume was from the pain, from damage to his inner ear, or, God forbid, from brain damage.
After all, losing consciousness like that is not something to simply shrug off. In fact, if the man who got knocked out by the Americans thighs in that song is reading this now, I would urge him to get himself checked out as soon as possible. Call a doctor or have someone take you to the emergency room immediately.
You can’t take any chances when it comes to your health.