Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The 7 Least Convincing Movie High Schoolers Of The Day (And Possibly Ever)

From CollegeHumor.com.

There's a reason filmmakers rarely cast actual teenagers. Real adolescence is full of insecurity, change, stickiness, and other things no one actually wants to see on a big screen. Still, there's a fine line between comfortably post-pubescent and somebody's goddamn grandma.

JUDD NELSON (The Breakfast Club)

Movie Age: 17
Actual Age: 26

It's OK that Judd Nelson's classic bad boy looks a few years older than his naive peers. It's not OK that he looks like he's been drinking and smoking heavily for the past two decades. Through no fault of Judd's, the fingerless gloves and endlessly layered flannel all reek of a guy a little too old trying a little too hard.


Movie Age: 25, if we're being generous
Actual Age: 40

Casting Director: "Sir, I'm sorry, we've sent offers to every comedian in Hollywood, no one wants to be in this movie."

Producer: "No one?"

Casting: "Well, the guy from Rocket Man's available, but, I mean, he's old enough to be these kids' dad."

Producer: "Fuck it, we're not making Citizen Kane here. Book him."

RICHARD DREYFUSS (American Graffiti)

Movie Age: 18
Actual Age: 26

Thanks to a rare, Benjamin Buttons-esque condition, Richard Dreyfuss has spent the majority of his life as a fifty-five year-old man. So while it's strange to see him play high school, stranger still is that the film is a period piece, set a decade earlier in 1962 when Dreyfuss was actually finishing high school. With such quixotic casting, no wonder the only other thing on the director's resume is some silly fantasy movie.

(Not Another Teen Movie, The Hot Chick, Fired Up)

Movie Age: 17
Actual Age: 23-32

Story goes, an old gypsy witch was so infuriated by Olsen's performance in Not Another Teen Movie that she cursed him, dooming him to become that which he had mocked. (The witch was a big She's All That fan.) In any case, the irony came full circle this year, when 32-year-old Olsen played a vain high school football star in Fired Up, a non-parody version of the role that gave him his start almost a decade ago.


Movie Age: 17
Actual Age: 33

Given the actual skills needed to be in a musical, it's understandable producers would want to cast more seasoned performers. However, not only was Channing aggressively attacking her mid-30s when the film came out, she was already on her second marriage. Singing/dancing? Yes. Remotely convincing teen angst? Not a chance.

TOM HANKS (Forrest Gump)

Movie Age: 15
Actual Age: 38

If biopics like Ray and Walk The Line have taught us anything about historical figures, it's that, after puberty, they remain stuck in their early-to-mid thirties for their entire life, pausing only occasionally to don unconvincing old-age make-up. Despite his fictional status, Forrest Gump is no exception, going from young tyke to Robin William's Jack in one brace-shattering montage.


Movie Age: 18
Actual Age: 26

How outrageous is it that producers thought that, at the age of 26, Shannon Elizabeth could be remotely convincing as a Czech foreign exchange student? I mean, with her limited resume, what possible assets could she have brought to the-- ah, right.


  1. Great list. I always run to IMDB and look up people's ages when I see someone baffling. We watched Dirty Dancing the other night, which has nothing to do with high school of course, and I was shocked to see Jennifer Grey was like 26? She actually looks about 15 there. Of course Swayze was in his 30s. Kevin Bacon was 26 or so in Footloose I think? Lori Singer was 27 and "her mom" Diane West was only 10 years older than her. How about Biff and Michael J. Fox both in Back To The Future? And Ralph Macchio getting beat-up by high-schoolers at 23. I guess that's not too bad.

  2. There is NO ONE in Grease that looks like they could be in high school.

  3. Stockard Channing would have been better playing one of the teachers in Grease. Great list!

  4. Anthony Michael Hall looked like he belonged in high school in "Sixteen Candles" and in "The Breakfast Club." Of course, he actually was.

    Sometimes the suspension of disbelief requires complete denial!

  5. I agree wholeheartedly, yet with a little more thought to way back in high school, there was always that one guy in every high school that looked a little out of place with the full facial hair or the male pattern baldness that started way too early. Think about it. After living in Florida for a while, I've seen many teenage girls look a lot older than my age (skin like new leather, too much makeup and/or overly done hair, and/or clothing choices, but mostly the skin...shiver). I still get carded for Rated-R movies even though I'm 37. It makes me chuckle.

  6. I gotta say though, that Ralph Macchio has always looked WAY younger than he is. He could pass for 15 years younger than his actual age, easily. At least judging by the last pic I saw.

  7. I think Harland Williams' character was supposed to me much older than everyone else since he failed a whole bunch and was in a lot of the fraternity class pictures.

  8. Shannon Elizabeth looked young and hot i don't know what you're talking about -she could of so passed as a high schooler!



Related Posts with Thumbnails