Thursday, September 20, 2012

Report of The Day: It's Not Okay To Just Start Talking To People You Don’t Know

From The Onion. Thanks for the link, Emmi.

Report: It's Not Okay To Just Start Talking To People You Don’t Know

September 19, 2012 

STANFORD, CA—Citing how devastatingly uncomfortable it makes people feel, a new report released by the Stanford University Sociology Department revealed Wednesday that it’s never okay to just start talking to someone you don’t know.

The report, which analyzed numerous conversations that took place over a nine-month period from September of last year through May, states that approaching a complete and total stranger and saying “Beautiful day,” “That’s nice, where did you get that?” or “Hello” is, under no circumstance, acceptable.

In fact, the study confirmed that in 0 percent of cases do individuals ever want to be spoken to by someone they don’t know, and that it is “downright wrong” to put people who are just going about their day in the awkward position of having to be polite and feign interest in what you—an unknown intruder, essentially—are saying.

“We found that the only people it’s appropriate to talk to are friends and relatives—no one else,” the study’s lead author, Dr. Simon Gamble, told reporters, adding that dads, senior citizens, and “people who think they’re being friendly but really need to just mind their own business” are typically guilty of trying to relate to unfamiliar people. 

“Ninety-five percent of the time, the people being talked to experience an extreme spike in anxiety. The only thoughts going through their heads during these unwanted conversations with strangers are ‘Stop talking to me. I don’t know you. Please go away.’”

“If you feel the urge to talk to someone you don’t know, the right thing to do is suppress the impulse and just leave that individual alone,” he continued, adding that cordially smiling at someone you’ve never met is also not okay. “It doesn’t matter if you both happen to be wearing the same T-shirt.”

(Continued here)


  1. “It doesn’t matter if you both happen to be wearing the same T-shirt.” Hahaha!

    Quite a few folks in my town need to read this. People I don't know say hello to me all the time. :D

  2. Apparently I just have one of those faces that screams out, "Hey, come and tell me all about your entire life in excruciating detail while we wait in line. Also if you're as old or older than my parents, feel free to tell me uncomfortable sex stories about yourself, I don't mind."

  3. Cam, we should definitely not hang out together! I get those same people -- and am often trapped next to them on airplanes.

    (My mother felt the need to tell me before she died that my dad was uncircumcised -- DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!!!!)

  4. My weird little neighbor told me all about her hysterectomy during our 2nd conversation. I would print this out and tape it to her door but I'm pretty certain she wouldn't get the point.

  5. Dear Stanford.....You currently have on staff, a very incompetent individual. Dr.(ha) Simon Gamble is an absolute idiot. Are you honestly running out of behavioral types in which to study? He is obviously out of touch with reality to write such bullshit about interactions between individuals. I cannot believe the school allowed him to publish this nonsense. Tell him I said "Hi"(snicker)

  6. This is very funny,but if you are familiar with the Onion you would know they are just making fun. Go to YouTube and watch their Despondex video.



Related Posts with Thumbnails