Damn. And I thought I was desperate. At first glance I thought the headline read, "Old Cooch."
From The Smoking Gun.
Man Busted For Curbside Sex With Old Couch
SEPTEMBER 24--A Wisconsin man has been accused of having sex with an abandoned couch, police report.
The human-furniture coupling was interrupted earlier this month when an off-duty cop out jogging late one night spotted Gerard Streator, 46, trysting with the yellow couch, which had been left at a Waukesha curb.
As detailed in a misdemeanor criminal complaint charging Streator with lewd and lascivious behavior, Officer Ryan Edwards reported seeing “a subject leaning over the couch facing down and it looked like he was having sexual relations with someone on the couch.” The cop noted that he “could see the male’s hips thrusting up and down on the couch."
As he approached the couch, Edwards yelled, “What are you doing?” Streator, investigators allege, responded by jumping up and running away. As Streator fled, Edwards reported, he “could see that the defendant’s penis was erect.”
Edwards concluded that Streator “had been thrusting his pelvic area against the cushions and trying to sexually gratify himself by rubbing his penis between the two cushions.” It is unclear whether the reference to two cushions meant that the couch was, in fact, a love seat.
Edwards chased Streator to his apartment building, but the suspect “quickly pulled the door closed behind him.” He was arrested the following day at the hotel where he works.
Streator is scheduled to appear next Monday in Waukesha County Circuit Court.