Wednesday, September 5, 2012

News: Jovial Man Apparently Unaware That He Works At Airport Burrito Restaurant

From The Onion:

Jovial Man Must Not Be Aware He Works At Airport Burrito Restaurant

September 1, 2012

DENVER—According to bewildered sources near gate B52 at Denver International Airport, the man cheerfully and energetically going about his tasks behind the counter of the Burrito Beach Mexican Grille must not be aware that he works at an airport burrito restaurant.

"Hi, there! Where you folks headed today?" said the jovial man, who, judging by his upbeat attitude and easy-going manner, has no idea that he is an adult human being making $7.64 an hour to serve a never-ending stream of agitated, ungrateful customers. 

"Orlando? I love Orlando!"

"You folks are going to have an absolute blast," the man continued over the screams of crying children and the intermittent drone of flight announcements, apparently forgetting that he wakes up at 5:30 a.m. and spends his entire shift interacting solely with people who want nothing more than to get food from him as fast as possible so they can be on their way. 

"Say hi to the dolphins for me!"

Travelers departing from terminal B this morning confirmed the man currently singing along to the horrendous soundtrack of top 40 hits assaulting the restaurant's loudspeakers has been observed chatting amiably and cracking jokes, as if his job didn't involve wrapping burrito after burrito for impatient customers who do not enjoy the food's taste and frequently complain about its price.

In addition, the man who spends 50 minutes every single morning finding a parking spot and then going through airport security before he can even clock-in for his mind-numbingly bleak job has reportedly requested high-fives from a number of children.

(continued here)

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