Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Cat Holder-Downer


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Cat Holder-Downer



Date: 2012-08-09, 11:04AM EDT


I'm new to town and need someone to help me for about half an hour while I give my rockin' awesome cat a haircut. I don't want to pay a groomer $75 and don't want to stress my fantastic feline out by taking him somewhere he's not comfortable. 


He is very docile and does not mind this procedure; it's just a two man job that I'm short a reliable person to operate. 

All I need you to do is:
1) Be cool
2) Dig cats
3) Hold my cat for half an hour.

He:
1) Rawks
2) Will not bite, scratch, urinate, defecate and/or molest, harry and/or pillage your forearm region.

He will: 

1) lick 
2) head butt and/or 
3) give aforementioned area loving attention.

This needs to be done at my apartment and I will pay compensate you with beer, good music, stimulating conversation & $10 (It's not much, but you're doing this because it will make a great story). 


You may bring a companion, alert the authorities of your whereabouts and do anything else you need to make sure you feel safe. 

I will not monetarily compensate any colleagues you bring; however, said cohorts may help themselves to one of the following options 1) one alcoholic beverage & one snack 2) two non-alcoholic beverages & one snack 3) unlimited ice cold water & two snacks. 

Also, your may choose to watch television and/or listen to my massive collection of vintage and contemporary vinyl collection while grooming is being performed.

Let me know you're not a weirdo, creep show and/or otherwise sketch ball in your reply. This is life low hanging bucket list/life adventure fruit y'all.


3 comments:

  1. I had to hold 3 children down repeatedly for shots for 25 years so I'm definitely qualified. Not interested, but qualified. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. UPDATE: Changed the name of the ad to PUSSY WRANGLER, immediately got 345 responses!

    ReplyDelete
  3. If I had to put an ad for someone to hold my cat down for anything like that, I'd have to ask them to obtain a preemptive tetanus shot. That person would also be in possession of cowboy gloves, a hard plastic mask, a legally binding will or a desire to die. I don't understand how a 6 pound creature can have so much strength.

    ReplyDelete

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