Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Redneck Words Of Wisdom Of The Day

A few entries from, a site that invites readers to submit their favorite redneck sayings.

He'd bitch if you hung him with a new rope.

Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.

That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.

You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.

I'm bowed up like a Halloween cat.

He's ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels.

Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire.

He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands.

Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

That'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.

Nuttier than a squirrel turd.

As easy as herding chickens.

Tighter than a skeeter's ass in a nose dive.

I'm so hungry, I'd eat the balls off a low flying duck!

She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.

He's as useful as a tit on a boar hog.

Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.

You got to be 10% smarter than the equipment you're runnin'.

Hornier than a two-peckered billy goat.

Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.

Busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor.

His pants were so tight if he'd a farted it'd blow his boots off.

Heavier than a dead preacher.

She has two speeds. Slow and stop.

That smells like the shithouse door of a shrimp boat.

Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

I'm so hungry, every time I swallow my asshole says thank you.

Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens.

Busier than a one armed monkey with two peckers.

Her jeans are so tight, you can see the veins in her ass!

That means about as much to me as a strawberry up a bear's butt.

Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut!

Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it?

He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

That dummy’s always got both ass-cheeks wrapped around his ears!

Busier than a cucumber in a women's prison!

He was drunker than Cooter Brown on the 4th of July.

I felt like a monkey trying to do a math problem.

I feel like a bag of smashed assholes.

Smoother then a hairy nipple on wax day.

His family tree looks like a totem pole.

See more here.


  1. One used a lot in my family "he's a nice boy, he just shits a little too close to the house" . And I always liked "I'm so broke, if it cost a nickel to shit, I'd have to throw up."

  2. Ha! These are great--very colorful! I like "Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag." I feel like my rough end has been dragging for a while now! :-)

  3. Not sure this the same but we had a saying in my freshman dorm: "She's not ugly if nobody sees her."

  4. I heard one the other day cracked me up, "Sweatin' worse than a blind lesbian at a fish market"

  5. I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo.

    She's as smart as a bag of hair.

    And my personal, all-time favorite: Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining!

  6. He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel.

    He couldn't stick one finger up his ass if he used both hands.

  7. One said about me when I was younger, "If that boy had brains he'd be dangerous."

  8. Two faves, "Colder than a witches tit in a brass brassiere."

    "Sweatin' like a whore in church."

  9. Shaking like a dog shiting razor blades, and of course sharp as a marble, or cue ball.

  10. He's as dumb as a solar-powered flashlight and she, well she is as worthless as a bag of smashed assholes!



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