A few entries from RedneckWordsOfWisdom.com, a site that invites readers to submit their favorite redneck sayings.
He'd bitch if you hung him with a new rope.
Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.
That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.
You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.
I'm bowed up like a Halloween cat.
He's ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels.
Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire.
He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands.
Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.
That'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.
Nuttier than a squirrel turd.
As easy as herding chickens.
Tighter than a skeeter's ass in a nose dive.
I'm so hungry, I'd eat the balls off a low flying duck!
She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
He's as useful as a tit on a boar hog.
Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.
You got to be 10% smarter than the equipment you're runnin'.
Hornier than a two-peckered billy goat.
Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.
Busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor.
His pants were so tight if he'd a farted it'd blow his boots off.
Heavier than a dead preacher.
She has two speeds. Slow and stop.
That smells like the shithouse door of a shrimp boat.
Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
I'm so hungry, every time I swallow my asshole says thank you.
Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens.
Busier than a one armed monkey with two peckers.
Her jeans are so tight, you can see the veins in her ass!
That means about as much to me as a strawberry up a bear's butt.
Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut!
Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it?
He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
That dummy’s always got both ass-cheeks wrapped around his ears!
Busier than a cucumber in a women's prison!
He was drunker than Cooter Brown on the 4th of July.
I felt like a monkey trying to do a math problem.
I feel like a bag of smashed assholes.
Smoother then a hairy nipple on wax day.
His family tree looks like a totem pole.
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One used a lot in my family "he's a nice boy, he just shits a little too close to the house" . And I always liked "I'm so broke, if it cost a nickel to shit, I'd have to throw up."
ReplyDeleteHa! These are great--very colorful! I like "Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag." I feel like my rough end has been dragging for a while now! :-)
ReplyDeleteNot sure this the same but we had a saying in my freshman dorm: "She's not ugly if nobody sees her."
ReplyDeleteI heard one the other day cracked me up, "Sweatin' worse than a blind lesbian at a fish market"
ReplyDeleteI'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo.
ReplyDeleteShe's as smart as a bag of hair.
And my personal, all-time favorite: Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining!
He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel.
ReplyDeleteHe couldn't stick one finger up his ass if he used both hands.
One said about me when I was younger, "If that boy had brains he'd be dangerous."
ReplyDeleteTwo faves, "Colder than a witches tit in a brass brassiere."
ReplyDelete"Sweatin' like a whore in church."
Shaking like a dog shiting razor blades, and of course sharp as a marble, or cue ball.
ReplyDeleteHe's as dumb as a solar-powered flashlight and she, well she is as worthless as a bag of smashed assholes!
ReplyDelete