Monday, July 9, 2012

Story Of The Day: Someplace Cooler

From The Onion.

Man Who Pulls Up With Music Pumping Probably Coming From Someplace Cooler

SAN JOSE, CA—According to sources stopped at the corner of Fourth and St. James Streets, the man driving the custom-painted 2002 Honda Civic with speakers blasting Sean Paul must be coming from someplace much, much cooler.

"My God, the racing decals, that chest-thumping bass, those sunglasses inverted so as to rest upon the back of his head. What kind of totally badass place did this guy just leave, and how do I get there myself?" said Dan Singleman, awestruck even to be in the presence of a man reclined so far back in the driver's seat.

"Just look at him. The fact that his rear window is tinted makes me wonder if there are additional cool people sitting in the back who do not wish to be seen by those who are less cool."

Judging by the burnout the man just performed, Singleman said he could only assume the driver must also be on his way to someplace very cool.


  1. Ha! Somebody drove by me today with their music blaring. There was a Gatorade sitting on top of their car. I wasn't close enough where I could motion to them or tell them about the bottle on their roof, but it made me laugh. The bottle on the roof kind of spoiled the "cool" factor of the music. :D

  2. I would pronounce them "douchebags" but I had Zepplin blasting from my VW bug in college. However, I got over that when I was old enough to drink! I was living in Phoenix so I was always going somewhere cooler (any air conditioned building).

  3. Whenever I see/hear these douchetards I whip out my John Tesh CD and crank it to 11. Then I follow them for 10 or 12 miles until they start to cry.

  4. Whenever someone like that pulls up next to me in a stop, I look at them horrified and proceed to close my window. It always makes them lower the volume.

  5. I used to HATE going out with my grandparents in their un-air-conditioned earwax gold Ford LTD. Because my grandpa was so stubborn about wearing his hearing aids, they would have the 8 track turned up incredibly loud. My brother and I would hunker down on the floorboard in the back as Slim Whitman blasted from the speakers.



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