Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Sad, Embarrassed Etsy Boyfriends Of The Day

You made some goofy funked-up shit to sell on Etsy and now you need some sucker to model it. Cue the boyfriend. Sigh. The things men do for sex...

From Urlesque.


How can you do this to me?


I hate you so much right now.


You have broken my pride, but not my prana. Vishnu and I forgive you. Namaste.


Please no one recognize me please no one recognize me please no one recognize me


Kill me. Now.


I'm not angry. I'm disappointed.


Maybe I'll give grad school another try.



See the rest at Urlesque.

Blistering CD Review Of The Day: No Stars Ever

Bitch got TOLD! Or, as HappyPlace says, "Critic does to Chris Brown what Chris Brown does to women." Me, I'm stealing the phrase, "catastrophic clusterfuck."

Link from the ever-resourceful Steve Henderson.


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Top Olympic Porno Names Of The Day

From Jockular and the amazing Chi Chi Larue.
















See them all at Jockular.
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Monday, July 30, 2012

Actor Reads Yelp! Restaurant Review (vid)

Profound. From Julie Martin.



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Greeting Card Of The Day

I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks, Evil Twin.



QOTD: Worst Job




What's the worst job you ever had?

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23 Jobs Worse Than Yours (Of The Day)

Proving once again that no matter how bad you have it, some poor bastard always has it worse.

THIRD-WORLD SEWER TROUBLESHOOTER


DEODORANT EFFICACY CONSULTANT


BEVERAGE SALES (IN CHARACTER)


SEXUAL BEHAVIORIST (good luck!)


CARGO SECURER


DILDO INSPECTOR


FRESH HOT PEANUTS!


SUMO THONG ADJUSTER


WALKING TOILET CLEANER ADVERTISER


EQUINE SPOOGE PROCURER


EAR


THIRD WORLD CONDUCTOR


FOOD DELIVERER (IN CHARACTER)


GOLF BALL TARGET


TSA AGENT/GENITALIA INSPECTOR


MEN'S COLLEGE DORM MAINTENANCE


PSYCHOTIC CELEBRITY NIPPLE TWEAKER


CRACK WAXER


CONSTRUCTION MATERIALS DELIVERY


PRIVATE, CHINESE ARMY


PSYCHOTIC CELEBRITY BEVERAGE ATTENDANT


TOURISM CONSULTANT


CARNIVAL TOMATO TARGET


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Thursday, July 26, 2012

9 Household Objects You Can Eat To Stay Alive

Can. Don't go eating your shoes if you don't have to. From Survival Goods.

HOUSE PLANTS


The lowly house plant, that oft neglected outpost of nature’s kingdom, can usually be found in even the grimmest of human habitations. The most common house plant in the western world is the Yucca, a fortunate occurrence as its root is a Central American delicacy. It can be cooked like a potato, made into porridge and is the main constituent of tapioca pudding. Although the leaves are composed mainly of cellulose, and thus inedible, they can be used to give your meal flair enough to rival the dinner of a Sheik.

LEATHER


As you might suspect Leather, given its animal origins, is indeed edible. If your accommodation possesses that hallmark of elegance, the three piece leather suite, then fear not the cold hand of starvation. Although you can technically bite straight into that hide and start munching away we recommend you deep fry your leather, it’ll produce something akin to everyone’s favorite Friday night snack: Pork Scratchings.

TOOTHPASTE


Toothpaste is ration of choice for the earth bound cosmonaut. With its bright color, powerful taste and glue like consistency it is the closest thing we have to a future food, steak pills and three course chewing gum having failed to arrive. The consumption of large amounts of toothpaste is, due to high levels of Sorbitol (laxative), Sodium lauryl sulfate (soap foam) and fluoride, very dangerous and should not be attempted by anyone. It can be used, in pea sized amounts, as minty condiment or after dinner treat.

SOAP


Currently most soap is manufactured using vegetable oils, subsequently if it is ingested it will provide a small amount of nutrition. There is a small chance that, if that warder of your camp aims for refinement, you’ll find some soap that has been manufactured from animal fat. ‘Kidney suet’, fat taken from around the kidneys of the cow is supposed to produce the finest soap; although we are unsure as to weather it provided the finest taste. Soap, when consumed in large amounts, has laxative effects

CARDBOARD/PAPER/TISSUE


All three items in this family are formed of the same universally useful material, cellulose. Depending on the robustness of your digestive system you may be able to break down these fibers and extract some nutrition. Three Chinese coal miners trapped underground survived five days by eating the boxes that had been used to deliver their dynamite. Rather than eating your paper product alone they should be used as a starchy side to accompany your Yucca root and Leather main. Serve drenched with lashings of oven grease and toothpaste sauce.


See the rest here.
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Cool Thing Of The Day: Movie Map

Want! (Click pic)


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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Idiot Of The Day: Goat Man

From Hannah and Ronna via the Times Leader.


‘Goat man’ worries Utah game officials

SALT LAKE CITY — A man spotted dressed in a goat suit among a herd of wild goats in the mountains of northern Utah has wildlife officials worried he could be in danger as hunting season approaches.

Phil Douglass of the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources said Friday the person is doing nothing illegal, but he worries the so-called “goat man” is unaware of the dangers.

“My very first concern is the person doesn’t understand the risks,” Douglass said. “Who’s to say what could happen.”

Douglass said a man hiking Sunday along Ben Lomond peak in the mountains above Ogden, about 40 miles north of Salt Lake City, spotted the person dressed like a goat among a herd of real goats.

The person provided some blurry photographs to Douglass, who said they did not appear to have been altered.

Wildlife officials now just want to talk to the man so that he is aware of the dangers. There’s no telling what his intentions are, Douglass said, but it is believed he could just be an extreme wildlife enthusiast.

“People do some pretty out there things in the name of enjoying wildlife. But I’ve never had a report like this,” Douglass said. “There’s a saying we have among biologists — You don’t go far enough, you don’t get the data. You go too far, you don’t go home. The same is true with some wildlife enthusiasts.”


Douglass said 60 permits will be issued for goat hunting season in that area, which begins in September. He worries the goat man might be accidentally shot or could be attacked by a real goat.

“They may get agitated. They’re territorial. They are, after all, wild animals,” he said. “This person puts on a goat suit, he changes the game. But as long as he accepts responsibility, it’s not illegal.”

Douglass said wildlife officials received an anonymous call Thursday from an “agitated man” after the sighting was reported in local media. The caller simply said, “Leave goat man alone. He’s done nothing wrong.”’

“I want people to enjoy Utah’s wildlife. We live in a really neat place. We have wildlife all around us,” Douglass said. “We just want people to be safe.”

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WTF Exercise Equipment Of The Day

Use your Shake Weights while you're on it for maximum ridiculousness and sexual innuendo. Thanks, Mighty Joe Stankowski, for the link.



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The 9 Healthiest Alcoholic Drinks (Of The Day)

I said "healthiEST," not healthy. It's all relative.

From Gizmodo: "In the quest for healthy booziness, we talked to Ms. Maren Robinson, certified nutritional consultant (CNC) and master of public health (MPH). As a holistic nutritionist, she doesn't just count calories—she looks at a cocktail's comprehensive health profile. These drinks are on this list based on their nutrient value, caloric density, potential for obtaining fruit and vegetable servings, sugar content, antioxidant level, and medicinal properties. Plus flavor."

MANHATTAN



Ingredients: Bourbon, Sweet Vermouth, Angostura Bitters

Now we're talking! One of the most delicious, flavorful cocktails is actually pretty healthy. Let's break it down.

Bourbon: More flavor with fewer calories than other liquors.

Vermouth is a fortified wine. Its flavors have been altered by macerating various herbs over a few weeks, and usually a hard liquor is added. Vermouth typically contains about 45 calories per ounce.

Robinson, "Angostura bitters are alleged to have restorative properties. It was reported to be a remedy for hiccups and also can be used as a cure for an upset stomach."

WINE



Ingredients: Grapes

A bit of wine is actually pretty good for you. Red wine packs in a ton of nutritional value. It contains four to nine precent of your DRI of iron, 9.4 percent for potassium, and five percent of magnesium. But it is also filled with antioxidants. According to Robinson, these include "flavanoids and nonflavanoids. Resveratrol (a nonflavanoid) has been shown to reduce blood clots and lower 'bad' cholesterol in rats." Calories tend to range from about 110 to 130 for a five ounce glass, which ain't bad at all.

GUINNESS



Ingredients: Magic and Unicorn kisses

Guinness used to have a slogan: "Guinness is good for you!" Well, it really kinda is. First off, despite how thick it is, it's way lower in calories than you think—128 calories per 12 ounces. Not bad. Because it's made from more whole grains than lager (especially mega-brewery stuff), it's full of nutrients. In fact, it's been shown to have similar antioxidant properties to red wine. Want more? In 2003, the University of Wisconsin discovered that consuming Guinness may help the reduce of blood clots and heart problems.

BLOODY MARY



Ingredients: Vodka, tomato juice, horseradish, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco, celery, salt, and pepper.

This is Robinson's pick as the healthiest of them all. It's very low cal and it packs in a ton of nutrients.

Tomatoes: "The most active ingredients are: lycopene (prostate protective), catechins (skin protective), zeaxanthin (eye protective), vitamin A, and flavonoid anti-oxidants such as α and ß-carotenes, xanthins and lutein, Vitamin C and potassium. Tomatos have many cancer protective properties."

Horseradish: Fights common cold, analgesic, antibiotic properties, protective against UTI's, cancer-fighting properties called glucosinolates.

Celery: Known to fight cancer, lower high-blood pressure, ease insomnia, prevent kidney stones, and help with digestive problems.



See the rest at Gizmodo.
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