Wednesday, June 6, 2012

News Of The Day: Man Sues BMW For Two-Year Erection

 So what's the problem? From T-Nova and Gawker.

Man Claims BMW Motorcycle Ride Gave Him Two-Year Erection, Let Erection Rage for Two Years Before Suing

by Caity Weaver
May 2, 2012

A California man has filed suit against BMW North America after a four hour-ride on his BMW motorcycle turned into a two year party: he claims his bike's custom-installed ridged seat caused him to develop an erection that lasted for twenty months.

In his lawsuit, Henry Wolf, 52, states that the condition (Called priapism after a minor Greek fertility god named Priapus, whose huge, distracting boner dominates any depiction of him) left him unable to engage in sexual activity, causing him "substantial emotional and mental anguish" and leaving him "distraught and distressed."

The worst part is, as the owner of a BMW motorcycle, Wolf was probably having a lot of sex with cool, pretty, down-for-whatever chicks prior to this development.

Wolf's attorney, Vernon Bradley, added that Wolf was forced to "reconfigure his clothing" and had difficulty going to the bathroom because of the erection.

In court documents Wolf alleges that several physicians told him the priapism was a result of his four-hour rough ride on the ridged seat from Hell. However, news outlets are having a hard time finding any medical professionals willing to say the same.

The closest anyone has come is noting that, in rare instances, priapism can be caused by "trauma," and remarking that compression of the penis, up against, say, the custom seat of a BMW motorcycle, might result in temporary numbness.

Wolf is also coming down hard on the manufacturer of the seat, Corbin-Pacific Inc., seeking unstated damages for lost wages, personal injury, medical expenses, product liability, and negligent infliction of emotional distress.

Hopefully he can use the money to buy a Vespa.


  1. It took him two years before he decided to sue? Hahahaha! That seems a little suspicious.

    I'm left wondering what he did to "reconfigure his clothing." I'm picturing loose pants and long t-shirts?

    1. I'm left wondering what he did to "reconfigure his clothing." I'm picturing loose pants and long t-shirts?

      An old high school trick that worked pretty good for me, flip that bad boy up and then cinch your belt good and tight to ensure you won't get "noticed".

  2. Or a medieval cod piece. A Vespa will guarantee he never gets a boner again, I suppose.

    1. Oh he'll still get boners if he rides a Vespa.

      He'll never get to use them on other people, but he'll still get em.



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