Monday, June 18, 2012

Embarrassing Star Wars Merchandise Of The Day

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... nothing was sacred.

From Gizmodo. By Andrew Liszewski

The special edition versions of the Star Wars films and the recent prequels left many fanboys wondering if George Lucas maybe wasn't the visionary filmmaker they had all worshipped and adored. But one aspect of Lucas's vision that has never come into question is his ability to market the hell out of a franchise.

In the past few years Williams-Sonoma has really gone all out with its Star Wars license. And at first glance this R2-D2 themed spatula looks like a whimsical addition to your kitchen. But there's a reason spatulas are made with a boring rounded shape. All the extra details on R2's silhouette are going to tear your pancakes to shreds when you try to flip them. So we can't help but wonder if this was actually designed by a Sith who's laughing at us maniacally from a galaxy far, far away. $15

So let's get this straight. He commands an army of genetically-engineered clone troopers, is capable of building a working lightsaber, and has a super weapon the size of a small moon at his disposal. But this Darth Vader-themed radio can only play CDs and tune in AM or FM stations? Come on, even being able to play WMA files—arguably just as evil as Vader—would have been better than this. $70

In what has to be one of the most awkward Star Wars tie-in products of all time, this sucker commemorates that hi-larious scene in The Phantom Menace where Liam Neeson's character catches Jar Jar's darting tongue during dinner. But instead of going the Stretch Armstrong route and making a novelty toy you can twist and stretch around, this horrific piece of candy encourages kids—and die-hard grown up collectors—to literally suck on Jar Jar's tongue. Oh to have been a fly on the wall during that product pitch.

Though it apparently can't be used to detect when you're walking onto a trap door in Jabba's palace, the force does give Jedis some ability to see the future. You can, too, with this Yoda-shaped version of the classic Magic 8-Ball released alongside The Empire Strikes Back. If only the Jedi master could have seen what lied ahead and gotten out of his film contract after Return of the Jedi.

Given their admittedly poor relationship, it's hard to picture Vader and Luke heading down to ye 'ol fishing hole to catch dinner. But not every father and son relationship is as dysfunctional. Sometimes they can be even worse, like the aging Star Wars fanboy we picture forcing his son to join him down by the river—we mean the swamps of Dagobah—to do a little fishing with this poorly-themed tackle set. The lightsaber-handled fishing rod is its only saving grace, and even then... ugh.

See the rest at Gizmodo.


  1. That Jar Jar sucker is just plain freaky! :-D

  2. I should send you a pic of my Borg lip gloss. Yeah, it's not Star Wars, but it's still damned funny.

  3. Do you know if that Jar Jar tongue thing moves or comes with batteries? I'm asking for a friend.

  4. I want all of these!!!



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