Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Quotes Of The Day: Celebs Dissing Celebs


If my children turned out like Madonna I would drown them with my own hands.
(Whitney Houston)

Joan always cries a lot. Her tear ducts must be close to her bladder. (Bette Davis on Joan Crawford)

His album was called Bad because there wasn't enough room on the sleeve for Pathetic. (Prince on Michael Jackson)

Donald says he wants to run for president, move into the White House. Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time he pushed a black family out of their house.
(Snoop Dogg on Donald Trump)

I would rather be on stage with a pig. (Mariah Carey on the possibility of her doing a duet with Jennifer Lopez)

He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner. (Johnny Carson on Chevy Chase)

I was particulary stunned by the casting of Tom Cruise, who is no more my Vampire Lestat [in Interview With The Vampire] than Edward G. Robinson is Rhett Bulter. (Anne Rice)

Mystery solved! Now we know who the "half a man" is in "Two And A Half Men." HINT: it's not the kid!
(Zooey Deschanel on Charlie Sheen)

That's not writing, that's typing.
(Truman Capote on Jack Kerouac)

She turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
(Joan Rivers on Bo Derek)

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house and ask her for money.
(Comedian Kevin Meaney)

I wouldn't fuck her with Bea Arthur's dick.
(Comedian Jeffrey Ross on Sandra Bernhardt)

Boy George is all England needs -- another queen who can't dress.
(Joan Rivers)

"She's a plumber's idea of Cleopatra." (W.C. Fields on Mae West)

If I hung out with 20-year-old porn stars all the time, I'd think I was a genius too.
(Sarah Silverman on Charlie Sheen)

His writing is limited to songs for dead blondes.
(Keith Richards on Elton John)

I'm glad I've given up drugs and alcohol. It would be awful to be like Keith Richards. He's pathetic. It's like a monkey with arthritis, trying to go on stage and look young.
(Elton John)

"Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?" (Don Rickles on Ernest Borgnine)

"Well at least he has finally found his true love. What a pity he can't marry himself." (Frank Sinatra on Robert Redford)

"There are two things I will never ever do in my whole life. The first is that I will never climb Mt. Everest. The second is that I will never work with Val Kilmer ever again." (Director John Frankenheimer)

"Kanye West is the biggest piece of s--- on Earth." (Pink)

"He looks like a dwarf who's been dipped in a bucket of pubic hair." (Boy George on Prince)

"She is so hairy, when she lifted up her arm, I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit." (Joan Rivers on Madonna)

“Music journalists like Elvis Costello because music journalists look like Elvis Costello.” (David Lee Roth)


  1. These are pretty funny. The last one from Boy George about Prince especially made me laugh. Most of these folks don't have much room to talk, though (Boy George, for example). I guess they weren't taught the one about people who live in glass houses. :-)

  2. Ha! Oops! You added more while I was commenting. :D

  3. I love these -- celebrities being snarky. I think the fact they most of them have no room to talk is part of the appeal. Hello, pot. This is kettle. Guess what? You're black!

  4. "He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner. (Johnny Carson on Chevy Chase)". Go Johnny Go! Loved that.

  5. Don Rickles is such a mean S.O.B. but my gawd, that made me wheeze.
    The Bea Arthur thing though... classic.

  6. These are all great, but my fave is the comment by Jefffey Ross re Sandra Bernhardt and Bea Arthur. And of course, Johnny Carson. He was/is a national treasure.



Related Posts with Thumbnails