Wednesday, May 30, 2012

News Of The Day: Area Man Winded By Particularly Long Wendy's Order

From The Onion.

GLEN ALLEN, VA—Local man Brett Lussier, 43, was left fatigued and out of breath Thursday after placing a particularly long lunch order at the Wendy's franchise location on Brook Road, sources reported.

"I'll have a Spicy Chicken Sandwich, large fries, baked potato, a root beer," said the man, his voice slowing as his taxed lungs labored to produce each syllable of Junior Bacon Cheeseburger amid audible gasps for breath.

"Cup of chili and…and… hegh, ugh."

According to onlookers, the puffing, pink-faced Lussier then hacked a single wet cough, braced his wearied frame against the counter, and required a full 10 seconds of repose before he was finally able to wheeze out the word "Frosty."


  1. That last sentence is a work of art. I love the Onion writers. :D

  2. Hopefully soon technology will develop a system where we can just *look* at the picture of the food to order instead of all this exhaustive "verbal gymnastics."



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