Monday, May 21, 2012

For The Love Of All That Is Holy, Please Stop Using These Words And Phrases On The Intrawebz

Give it a rest already. Seriously.

Please? I'll make you some cookies.

Like dingleberries, but not as funny. 

The Intrawebz
Guilty as charged.

See what I did there?
No, I'm a blind moron. Of course I saw it, and I was in the early stages of being impressed until you had to go and ruin it by jumping up and down and pointing at your own cleverness.

Totes are bags or umbrellas. Is it really that hard to say "totally"? Isn't "totally" slang enough without the cutesy abbreve? (See what I did there?)

What does this even mean? Dead Husband? Deported Husband? Dickless Husband? Just say "my husband" or "the hubby" or even "hubs" so we don't have to guess at your meaning. Ditto "DD," "DS," "Boy Child," "Girl Child," etc. There are perfectly adequate ways to specify these people that have worked just fine for hundreds of years: "My husband." "My wife." "My son." "My daughter." If it ain't broke...




I always kinda liked this one. I hate to give it up. But it's time, people.

I want to punch (whoever) in the throat
The person's throat has been fully punched now, thank you. Try another body part. "I want to punch somebody in the bladder." See? Much better.

Awesome sauce
Ugh. I've hated this one from the first time I heard it. I would even compromise and settle for "awesome broth," "awesome glaze," or "awesome marinade." But enough with the fucking sauce already. It's like dunking your sentence in off-brand mayonnaise.

That makes my teeth itch
Talking about your itchy teeth makes my balls itch, and I already scratch them enough, so please knock it off.

I just threw up in my mouth a little
You and 50 million other people. Did you know that this is the first sentence Al Gore typed on the internet after he invented it back in the 80s? I'm thinking it's time for something new. Besides, what you're describing is called reflux, not throwing up. So the next time something grosses you out, just say "Reflux!" or "Gag" or "Ick, my internal toilet just backed up into my mouth."

NTTAWWT (Not That There's Anything Wrong With That)
Seinfeld went off the air in 1998, folks. Just sayin'....

Just sayin'...
No shit, really? I thought maybe someone else was sayin' it and you were just lip-synching.

There are more. Which ones bug you?


  1. Nom nom nom -- to express delight in something you're eating or say that something looks good to eat. Just stop. Please.

  2. I've been wondering what the hell totes meant. Thanks.

  3. YOLO ... not that old and already needs to go.

  4. I can haz gun for teh kitteh speak??

  5. Use of the adjective "dank" as favorable. Its like advertising one's frequent pot use every time its used.

  6. Great list, Cary! I'm guilty of "WOOT!" but I have no intention of giving it up because I like it. The rest I can easily live without.

  7. Totes down with this list. Except that since I am an aspiring amateur cook, when I hear 'awesome sauce' it better be coming from my dinner guests. See what I did there? Plus, if I see 'nom nom nom' one more time I'm gonna punch someone in the throat. NTTAWTT.

  8. TWSS. And all other cutsie acronyms. Oh, and I still have no idea what DH means and also I never hear awesome sauce here whare I live otherwise I'd have punched 1000 throats by now.

  9. Your bike ride was not f*cking EPIC. Neither was your dinner at Macaroni Grill. Now STFU.

  10. Oh GOD do I hate hate HATE "Amaze-balls". I HATE IT. Always have.

    I also hate DH - and DW, DD, DS, DGM, DGD -- and every other D-whatever. I never use those when posting on message boards. Never. Just stupid.

  11. 'Awesome' for anything or everything, even if it is only a little bit good. Awe means fear, kids.

    TIOTBASI now.

  12. Adorbs. It's like modern day valley girl speak. I also hate it when people try to "clean up" well-accepted acronyms like LMAO to LMBO, STFU to STHU, etc.

  13. I heard someone say, "It was cray," last night at work. And if they don't stop calling each other 'biffle' or using the term 'biffle' all the time to mean 'BFF' I'll shank them all.

  14. The two ones I hate the most: "Can we say ____?" and "____ much?" I loathe them and make me completely lose interest in what that person is trying to say. Another one: "Convo me" Is that "Converse me to another religion" or what?.
    Oh and "Bestie". Not that I hate it, but I always read it as beastie, which makes me laugh.

  15. Hey Anon? "Awe" means a feeling of wonder, (not fear) kids. JUST SAYIN.

    1. Actually, it can mean either wonder or fear. Oxford Dictionary says:

      'a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder'

      Also interesting that the root word has more in common with fear than wonder:


      Old English ege 'terror, dread, awe', replaced in Middle English by forms related to Old Norse agi

  16. "Am I the only one?" As in "Am I the only one who still watches Desperate Housewives?". Yes, you are. You are the only one watching it. They broadcast it just for you.

  17. "They broadcast it just for you." That made me laugh. Good one!

  18. I agree with many of these, profess to using a few, but truly, truly hate one most of all: the one to do with throwing up (I refuse to even type it). That is just incredibly gross, and as you mention, incredibly stupid from a medical standpoint. Deep, deep hatred!

    (I will never give up STFU. Love that. Mutter it to myself a LOT, directed both at me and others.)

  19. Hey Rach - so why then doesn't awful mean the same as wonderful?

    Really, I do think the world would be a better place if people said 'wonderful' or even better 'marvellous' more. Time to give 'awesome' a rest.

    Did you know 'terrific' actually means frightening?

    PS I hate the way people say 'Hey xxxx' in greeting. Should be banned.

  20. Cool Story Bro!

  21. (I know i'm late to the party)... STFU used as a word (STUFFOOO)... now that is AWESOME SAUCE. JUST SAYIN'. (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)



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