Friday, April 6, 2012

Rules For Rock Audiences (Of The Day)


1) Don’t sing if you aren’t one of the dudes on stage getting paid to do it. Nobody paid their hard-earned money to hear your dorky, untalented ass sing. We came to hear the dudes on stage sing.

3) Don’t be THAT guy. We KNOW you like the band, that’s why you’re here, you don’t need to wear their SHIRT to their show as well, dipshit.

4) No wearing shirts of ex-bands either. That means no Nirvana shirts at the Foo Fighters show, no Jawbreaker shirts at the Jets to Brazil show, no Minor Threat shirts at the Fugazi show etc.

6) Dancing is ok, as long as you don’t get all fruity. Air-instruments are NOT ok. That includes: air-guitar, air-drums, air-microphone, air-keyboards, and yes even the air-bass. Don’t get me started on air-saxophone.

7) If you yell out “Play some Skynyrd”, you deserve immediate castration. This isn’t funny unless your name is either Beavis or Butthead. Shut the fuck up, we all know you’ve never heard Skynyrd. Don’t give somebody another reason to stab you.

10) Don’t yell songs at the band, especially if it’s not a super-rare song or something. Yelling “ENTER SANDMAN” at the Metallica show is second only in retardation to drooling on yourself and walking really funny with a walker. NO SHIT THEY’RE GONNA PLAY ENTER SANDMAN DUDE. Keep it in your pants, they’ll get to it in the 3rd encore.

14) Don’t buy those shirts in the parking lot from the dude who looks homeless, unless your idea of a good fitting shirt is about 1 foot long and 3 feet wide.

23) If you go up and begin conversation with the band while they’re loading equipment out at the end of the night and you don’t at least offer to help, you deserve to be cut into little pieces. The band wants to get the shit in the van and get the fuck out of your dumb-ass cornhole town, and you’re not helping matters.

See the rest here.


  1. I'd like to see MSOTD's parents.

  2. I can kind of relate to the guy. I've worked merch tables and I've helped with the load-in and out and you do encounter a lot of "those guys."

    I'd recommend anger management classes but I don't think he'd go!

  3. Well, gee, he's a little rule-bound. Haha! I guess I better stay away. I'm more than likely to start dancing and get all fruity. :-D

    Portrait of the day Dad looks like Herb from WKRP in Cincinnati.

  4. Me too, Daisy. I love getting all fruity.

  5. Also don't throw up in my purse. Only I can throw up in my purse. Thanks.

    1. You may want to skip looking into your purse and just replace everything that was in there. Sorry.

  6. Excellent - BTW, sit the fuck down during the ballads you retards and don't piss on my shoe at the end of the concert because you are too stoned to find your way to the bluewater can (really happened)



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